Much have I tried
To go against time and fight
against the stormy tide.
But I see before me an endless night
I find myself on the verge of nothingness.
Again I'm presented with a summer without sun
Without wings time does not run
The soothing rain attempts to burn
Alone do I stand without my inner self and turn into none.
This time I desired to rejoice
I wished to paint the picture with the colors of your choice.
All become lifeless where I wanted life
Once again I tried to come back to life.
Strangled are my desires
And I am lost in the darkness for years
There's no way out for me,not at all.
Author notes
I've chosen the option "abandonment"
I would love it, if Savage Garden would sing this song.
A contest entry
- Emotions, Desires, and Secrets by Suberu14.
450 points, ended June 5, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - fab 5 lyrics!!! by second-born.
500 points, ended June 16, 2007, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Allpoetry Book Project #2! by tinuelena.
800 points, ended June 20, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
Thanks for the entry, but it's not quite what we were looking for. If you would like further explanation, please send me a private message and a link to the poem and I will be glad to discuss it with you.
Elizabeth -
wow...such a strong piece...from the first line to the last stanza..I really felt that I was abandon...you presented your chosen topic so well...moreover...I think Savage Garden is very appropriate to sing your lyrics...
-
I enjoyed your poem. All of us has desires, but sometimes we can be strangled by them and feel there is no way out.
-
-
Thanks for reading and commenting.Glad you enjoyed it.
-
-
Ya, time does not run and "biroktir batash bohe". I liked the idea of "nothingness" and then turning yourself into "none", there is something similar in these. In third stanza, 4th line, separate the words "come" and "back". I think you could use comma instead if "...." in the last line. A melancholic tone througout the poem, I really like the title. Well done.
-
-
Thanks for pointing out the lapses of my piece.Your suggessions have been followed MADAM.lol.Feeling glad that you liked it.
-
-
There is no way out, really so sweet Shapla.I read a good poem. Desires are strangled as always, because they do not end at any time.Desires transform when fulfilled..a nice write
-
-
Thanks for reading dada. Desires are strangled....I've never seen them to be fulfilled. however thanks again for taking the pain to read and I'm glad you liked it.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
