Hunny, listen to this:
We [collaborated] in the
D
E
S
T
R
U
C
T
I
O
N
of my phone antenna
&& the chemistry between us grew like vines
[like vines we intertwined..]
calls on the phone && labels in the air
under construction for awhile
at the moment, emotions running through my hair
[uh oh, baby, you're making me rhyme now]
p i l l o w fights && weird AQUA beats
baby, we're only a l i t t l e crazy here
[but so hopelessly devoted]
Sweetheart, age is nothing but a number
we were born in completely [different] years
BUTTTT .. boy + girl = instant romance
[The equation is perfect, see?]
&& sorry about my heart
It's a bit ran over & torn in spots
B
R
O
K
E
N
down && beaten up
Sunshine, I've been through ENOUGH.
[YES means YES && NO means NO]
&& When you said f o r e v e r
You really meant it, didn't you?
[bring out the guitar && i'll bring out the songs]
Perfectly intertwined && blowing my mind
I think we accidentally fell into love
wrestling over my converse shoes
[That's what all perfect romance stories start out with, right?]
Author notes
This is about.. well, a guy.. of course. lol. I'm not going to say who.. but he knows who he is.
Your Heart Is My Symphony
1. Love
A contest entry
- && I'd rather have a b r u i s e d pelvis;; than a //sha tte red\\ ♥ by PaintedParisPassion.
500 points, ended July 19, 2007, 27 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Passions first spark by robert bolin.
1000 points, ended July 5, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I honestly enjoy this poem a lot.. :) Pleas tell me what you think.
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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"[YES means YES && NO means NO]
&& When you said f o r e v e r
You really meant it, didn't you?
[bring out the guitar && i'll bring out the songs]
Perfectly intertwined && blowing my mind
I think we accidentally fell into love
wrestling over my converse shoes"
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK
I love this oh so very much
!!
its so orignnal and jsut mind boggaling wow its so well written and wow yea great job!!!!
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I'll agree. this is definitely number one material. I love the line "bring out the guitar and i'll bring out the songs" most excellent. and falling in love while wrestling over 'verse? that was inspired. great job, best of luck in the contest!
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I'm not a big fan of dirty pretty but this was pretty good. Thanks for the entry.
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I thought that this was a winner. I suck at this. Dirtty Pretty. I don't even know if I spelt it right. lol This was absoluty great! You punuacted perfectly and can see why you enjoy it. I would love to be able to write in this form like you. AMAZING AND GOOD LUCK!
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I love this poem,
alot.
I really like the pharses you used, like,
[YES means YES && NO means NO]
Perfectly intertwined && blowing my mind
I think we accidentally fell into love
wrestling over my converse shoes
[uh oh, baby, you're making me rhyme now]
they were the best of the lines.
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I loved this. like la-la-lovvvved this.
[bring out the guitar && i'll bring out the songs]
Perfectly intertwined && blowing my mind
I think we accidentally fell into love
wrestling over my converse shoes
[That's what all perfect romance stories start out with, right?]
^that stood out the most to me. There were alot of other parts of the poem that i liked too, but i liked that the best. Thanks for sharing this. Good luck in my contest, and keep writing. I hope everything turns out well with the boy this was writte about, doll.
:]
xLovesxTragedyx
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Perfectly intertwined && blowing my mind
I think we accidentally fell into love
wrestling over my converse shoes
[That's what all perfect romance stories start out with, right?]
...soo sooo true...beautiful piece...i loved it...keep writing
xXsewn2getherXx
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Sweetheart, age is nothing but a number
we were born in completely [different] years
BUTTTT .. boy + girl = instant romance
aww this is sweet im glad your happy and that this guy isnt hurting you,,great poem hun you rock -
okay, 3 things
1)
"We [collaborated] in the
D
E
S
T
R
U
C
T
I
O
N
of my phone antenna
&& the chemistry between us grew like vines"
^ My favorite part, because i'm a huge fan of mixed metaphors and references to things that only the author knows how it fits in the context of the poem.
2) Do you play guitar, or does he? (just curious)
3) I'm obsessed with Converse. They're all I wear. So... props for that.
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"calls on the phone && labels in the air
under construction for awhile
at the moment, emotions running through my hair
[uh oh, baby, you're making me rhyme now]"
Heehee - I loved this, B/C I joke with my man that he should know how serious it is with us B/C I rhyme & I hate to. Nicely done I love how you made destruction look almost beautiful. -
"[like vines we intertwined..]"
"Sweetheart, age is nothing but a number
we were born in completely [different] years
BUTTTT .. boy + girl = instant romance"
"[uh oh, baby, you're making me rhyme now]"
Sweetheart? This was beautiful. I Loved This I Can Relate To The Age Part! Lol.
Love You BabyDoll.
xxxxXxxxx
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Right!
I totally agree with you. Last Line Queen, as always!!
This was nothing short of amazing, which is what I expected from such a talented poetess like yourself.
You expressed yourself well, as in all your other poems, and the dirty pretty point of view on it all was spectacular. As always.
You set it out, flowed it and worded it all perfectly. Which is another thing I love about your poetry, you just know the right words to use, and the perfect place to put them all.
Kept on the edge of my seat, glued to the computer screen reading such an awesome poem, and by such an amazing poetess. I just wanted it to go on, and I was rather annoyed that it ended But you ended it perfectly, so I still loved it.
<3 Tegan
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