Look! at the misfortune of the bright young leaf
it trembled down and set herself free.
'I' a brown old one never imagined such time would come
the fall of one tender green,barrend the entire tree
Helpless i felt,but had to bend
as she was gods dear and he wanted her near.
I fought till the end and she did too for as long as we cud
but alas ! all effots in vain
gods might overpowered our efforts
"all worthless" as his heart didnt melt.
A feel of guilt pinches me in deep
and inspite of my ignoring it,it grips me again.
That last cry,those painfull sighs
still resounds in my ear.
That look in her eyes when she bid me goodbye
is stoned in my heart as memory.
No words,no tears,no amount can express the grief i bear
its like losing a part of the family .
I was older,i was sane
could have stopped her from floating away.
She was so small,it wasnt her age
wish i could turn back time and outdo this blame.
cause i couldnt help her breathe,i couldnt help her see"yet another day".
May god bless her soul and
she stays happy,is all i pray.
Author notes
option 7- sad/regret/grief/ remorse
it has a dual meaning.the little leaf denotes my young close friend and the brown leaf symbolizes me.
A contest entry
- poems of loss by Honeydew.
430 points, ended June 19, 2007, 29 entries
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Sad
Yet ever so gorgeous. This piece really calls to me, and grips my heart close. Wonderful write indeed.
The flow kept me intriguied until the very last line.
Thank you for your entry and good luck. -
thank you
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Beautiful poem, it really expresses your emotions. Great write, thanks for entering!
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It is a great poem, keep up the good work and good luck in the contest.
♥ christina -
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thank you
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I loved the metaphor here. I enjoyed the comparison between you and your friend and the young green leaf and the older browning leaf. It's quite nifty isn't it and sweet. Shows we all have to grow older eventually. But you can find beauty everywhere, even in aging if you look for it hard enough.
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I loved this poem, great job. I loved how you used leaves in a tree to symbolize other events. The poem had a good flow, and you used great word choice. I especially liked cause i couldnt help her breathe,i couldnt help her see"yet another day". It was sad, but very good. Also, you might want to correct some of the capitilation(sp?lol) and punctition(sp?lol). That will just make it look better. In the second stanza, I think you meant could when you put cud. Great job. Keep Writing!
-Shadow
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A feel of guilt pinches me in deep
and inspite of my ignoring it,it grips me again.
Very good choice of words! They flow well together.
That look in her eyes when she bid me goodbye
is stoned in my heart as memory.
Beautiful. I love this concept. Very original.
I liked this a lot, with the metaphors if you'll call them. Great job, and best of luck.
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