Dead petals of daisies
and daffodils, faced tomorrow
smiling,
with more gloom
than a tent revival
in Seattle
in 1929.
[Graduation Night, June 1, 2007]
A revovler's six clicks
to the surface
matched your depth too well;
Your eyes settled for the steel
of
the depression, much more costly
this time around.
And we cried
before- we lost touch.
Author notes
title?
..
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
Liked the alliteration in these lines and the things left unsaid in them too. Little is better here, leaving us to think what we like. Metaphorically a great piece too. Liked the creative use of space, the flow and the interesting title.
-
Thank God
The gun is empty, leave it that way.
-
-
I think you may have misunderstood this. The gun was complete metaphor, not related to any self-harm ideologies at all... No gun, no bullets. This isn't an emo piece.... The gun is simply used because it is made of iron, or in this case steel, which was important to the impression of the night.
Thanks for stopping by though. --S
-
-
You rocked the page with this one dear poet. The format fit it all too well as if a thought process taking place before my eyes. What a wonderful ending to this fantastic penning, my pleasure to read this for sure
Becky
-
Very cool. I kind of like "six clicks" for a title but I am tired right now.
-
I'm honestly kicking myself for not
coming back to your poetry sooner
than this. I love your style, the
entire thought that went into this
wonderful piece of poetry.
Lane
-
-
Thank you Lane, this write is a particular favorite of mine, and I'm humbled that you like it. -S
-
-
this is so sad.
it's a good poem but it just makes me want to cry right now.
-
-
Yea it is. But I had to cry when my friends graduated without me.. You know it feels like a betrayal- Leaving highschool without taking it with me..
-
-
This feels despondent, exestensial, and yet in the end full of loves lament. The pull of being on a shelf or vase in the beginning against the push of tears in the end, the tent revial clarion call for a savior against the notes of death in a pistols click make this feel very dynamic and instead like a cry for help from someone drowning on a see of dispair.
The imagery contrast and contradicts yet at the same time leads me into a feeling of being in a cage.
Ver-r-ry Interesting as Sgt. Schulz would say.
Peace & Love, Tom B.
-
..wow.
" revovler's six clicks
to the surface
matched your depth too well"
Such a deeply sad feel to this one.
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
