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I am I

I'm a lab rat.
I'm a scientist.
All in one.
I will ruin
The party
Where I'm
Having fun.
I'm the lock
On my window
I'm the key
That I lost
I'm the shade
Of the shadow
That is brought
By my ghost.
It's my question
And answer
Who am I?
I am I.
I'm sick
I'm cancer.
I will kill.
I will die.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • vampire of thought
    August 6, 2007

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    what is it with the cancer comments in this poem and the last one I read? Cancer....is a touchy subject with me.

    this didn't hurt me at all....

    *sighs* I wonder if anyone will get me to cry?

    thanks for the entry, and goid luck.

    ~VoT


  • TheDemonEve
    July 12, 2007

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    I like how you did not mention a mask, but this piece still paints a picture of a gruesome mask in the mind's eye. Well done!

    Best of luck and thanks for entering!


  • DeepDarkDesire
    July 7, 2007

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    Rolls off the tongue

    This poem lacks emotion and depth but it plays on monosyllabic words well. I hate to say it but this poem sounds average to me, I've read an awful lot of poems sounding like this and I've attempted one myself. They all sound average to me because they don't push the beautiful language of the English far enough, they don't fill the writers potential either. I beg of you, don't waste your time with this style and find your own because I can guarantee it leaves you with more applauses.


  • Swan song gold member
    June 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very good A nice easy to read poem it is an easy read and enjoyable off the tongue. Very good


  • Ignis Corpus
    June 14, 2007

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    Who am I?
    I am I.
    I'm sick
    I'm cancer.
    I will kill.
    I will die. good lines i liked it but the break in the lines, its sorta hard to understand, good luck in the contes


  • FaireWeather
    June 6, 2007

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    This has a good rhythm to it, but I think that breaking the lines up so much really hurt the poem. As it is, it doesn't really fit into either jazz or internal rhyme poetry -- It has a beat, yes, but it's end-line rhyme. Still, I liked the feeling of the poem, and the message you have conveyed. The last line is very good--very...hmm...conflicting. Thank you for entering.

1 - 6 of 6