Only shards remain of the stained glass dreams
that you smashed against the walls of my mind
And shattered pieces disperse
Carving words of ridicule into the eyes of this fool
Where once the sweetest nectar flowed
like rivers of silken petals
Do turbulent waves of distilled spirits now rage
Crashing violently into hollowed veins of hope
This heart has dried and crumbled now
An amassment of sullen ash persists
Blown away upon the exhale
of your arrogant contemptuous kiss
Swept up and lost in the breeze
that had momentarily lay dormant
upon the lips of your smile
Now I pass in emptiness
by shadows that dance
serenading the remnants of this shattered soul
With mockery in their eyes
They laugh at the void in mine
Don't be ashamed to look away
My love is not worth your demise
Carry the torch that lights your own way
and leave me to step in the molten loneliness
that singed the wings that carried me here
Don't be a fool for the whispers
They are merely voices lost in a desolate landscape of longing
The art of love that I once deemed authentic
exists now only in a glorified replica within my imagination
I seek not the hand of pity
as I bury my own hands in the sand
hiding the shame trapped beneath my fingernails
Baring my back to the burden that I have chosen
when I left myself to drift at sea
on the sail of the souls that are lost
A contest entry
- *** Untitled Contest *** by Hebz.
425 points, ended September 21, 2007, 74 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You can't turn back, because this road is all you'll ever have. by PaintedParisPassion.
625 points, ended August 27, 83 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Now I pass in emptiness
by shadows that dance
serenading the remnants of this shattered soul
With mockery in their eyes
They laugh at the void in mine
Don't be ashamed to look away
My love is not worth your demise
Carry the torch that lights your own way
and leave me to step in the molten loneliness
that singed the wings that carried me here
I loved those lines. Thanks so much for entering and good luck in the contest
.
♥ -
I like that you went with something different here.. you went for it, tried it and its amazing! Once again I'm just lost for words.. but my favorite part definitely is:
Don't be ashamed to look away
My love is not worth your demise
Carry the torch that lights your own way
and leave me to step in the molten loneliness
that singed the wings that carried me here
You got me here ... I can't explain it, but you got me.. Great Write Michele!!! thank you for sharing
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WOW!!
The words stuck in my mouth, can't describe how perfect is this piece,coz it's more than perfect, amazing, I like the images, the flow, the words [every one says many things] Just GREAT...
Love it
Thnx alot for entering & Best Of Luck
GloriousGift
Heba -
This is the most beautiful poem I have ever read! It's so perfect in every way. The metaphoric imagery is simply amazing. I love this, really. I don't think I could be more attatched to a poem as I am to this one. You're a TRUE poem! Unlike me, lol, I just try to get my feelings into gear but this is really astonishing!
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Now I pass in emptiness
by shadows that dance
serenading the remnants of this shattered soul
With mockery in their eyes
They laugh at the void in mine
simply great. i loved it! good job and good luck in my contest! -
I loved:
"An amassment of sullen ash persists
Blown away upon the exhale
of your arrogant contemptuous kiss
Swept up and lost in the breeze" -
"And shattered pieces disperse
Carving words of ridicule into the eyes of this fool"
&&
"Blown away upon the exhale
of your arrogant contemptuous kiss"
and also...[ ]
"Don't be ashamed to look away
My love is not worth your demise"
and the last stanza!
darling;; scraping the surface?
I think you've nailed it right on the head.
This is better than anything that I could ever write, and don't you forget it.
I love the fact that you're writing like this!
Because you're amazing at it :]
Keep going!
lovely, lovely, lovely.
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A better title?
What are you on drugs? hahahahaha
This was perfect!
So elegant and tasteful...A single tears rolls off my cheek....
And its not because of the dust blown in my face!!!
And I tease...hehehehehe
This was really, really good
Expand on this I think you should!!!!!!!!!!!!
Suggestions...okay, let me look....
"Fool! Don't be a fool for the whispers"
Fool! doesn't need to be there...but besides that, I like how it reads
Keep them comin!
Much Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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emo
very emo mom
lol
i like it
i think i partly am feeling like this right now
anyways i love it
it is weird for you but youre good at it too
love you
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OOOOH I like(love) this ALOT
OKAY. Definatly one of my favorites. I LOVE this. THIS IS VERY VERY GOOD. Descriptive yet emotions and dang. Its just awesome. I really really really love it. Especially the end. And all OF IT. I just I'm going to read it over. I like the title in a way, it goes with the background and poem. But it would be cool if it were more unique, the poem being so unique itself. Then again that could be the unique mixture altogether. AH. Nevermind. Keep the title. I LOVE THIS. Alot.
~>Kali~>
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THANK YOU KALI!
I completely agree with your take on the title, I am trying to think of something a bit more unique, but until something better comes to me, if it does, this one will have to fit
Thank you dearly for your comments and for reading, you know I love and appreciate it!! Especially from your talented little heart!
Your comments ALWAYS make me smile because I can feel your words and they remind me of me when I comment, but yours are better
I'm going to try to get to some more of your tomorrow, you know I love the way you write!
~Michele
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Wow..this has vivid imagery. Paints a clear vivid picture..very intense. Very sad and lonely. Emptiness exposed and given life by the words you have chosen. You take the reader on the journey of loneliness
describing of what it feels like.
It is different for you..yet it does not pale in any sense of the word to your other work.
I dont know that I would change anything ..as I am not sure that it wouldnt take from the impact..yet I am a line count person..sometimes helps to make the piece flow a little easier. Just a thought...
Well done..keep the ink flowing and your muse soaring...
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