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Atelophobia

 

 

 

Falling down, I feel so weak.
All of my strength is at loss.
Yet I refuse to even eat,
That is another of my flaws.

The word "fat" engraved in my mind
Believing any and all words of hate
Ana and I, are on the same side
Ridding away all useless weight.


"But they never knew"


Words, phrases, they cling to me
Constantly filling up my head
They say some more, and I believe
Brewing more tears for me to shed

Sorrow clings to my eyes
Will I ever be perfect
I am everything I despise
Losing all my self respect


"They didn't have a clue"


Coughing up the extra waste
The acid crawling up inside
Savoring the bitter taste
Every effort is denied

All that's left is hollow bones
Lost inside this disease
Sing my imperfection in tones
A failure is all I'll ever be


"But they never cared"


Tell me all I do is wrong
It seems to happen everytime
I have known this all along
Perfection never will be mine

Staggering up the staircase made of tears
Frail and damaged deep inside
An endless hallway of haunting mirrors;
Crawl inside this rotten mind

Finished, it's over, it's time to go
So now I don't have to pretend
What happens later, I do not know
Inhale. Exhale. That was the end.


"But do you know who is to blame"

Author notes

Atelophobia - fear of imperfections

This is .. actually .. My first "eating disorder" poem
Being so .. I found out
That "Ana" .. is anorexia

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 35 of 35

  • FadingObsession
    November 15
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    Intense.

    Intense and captivating! Great write!


  • Frogzter gold member
    January 19
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    WOw, this is really intense. I like the structure and the (afterthoughts?) Anyway, great reading~


  • starving4perfection
    January 11

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    =] well like i said last time i really like this its one of the best eating disorder poems ive read. You captured the disease brilliantly...thanks for entering my contest! =] good luck!


  • starving4perfection
    November 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i love this poem! i can relate 2 it! it very nicely written
    the rhyming was great, and the whole thing just flowed nicely too!
    'All that's left is hollow bones
    Lost inside this disease
    Sing my imperfection in tones
    A failure is all I'll ever be'
    that was the best stanza, i relate to that the most
    anywayyy... its a GREAT POEM!!!


  • catalyst.
    September 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Staggering up the staircase made of tears
    Frail and damaged deep inside
    An endless hallway of haunting mirrors;
    Crawl inside this rotten mind
    That was amazing rhyming it was so natural and never forced. It also flowed beginning to end no jumping. It just unfolded. Beautiful


  • Lsh-x
    August 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this write is great! I love how you break it up so that you're able to portray the images that you want in the readers head. I loved it!

    If you ever need someone to talk to, someone who will understand message me, or email me, all my details are on my page.


    Thanks for entering, and good luck in the contest!

    Laura-Ston-Heart-x


  • BarbedWireButterfly
    July 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Quiet interesting. The way you used things such as quotes added to the richness of the poem. Quiet an interesting way to portray your idea. Thank you for entering and good luck. If you'd like to give an interview, opinion etc etc feel free to message or email me =D


  • Livingemptyspaces
    June 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I can comfortably say, I have a reverse eating disorder. In the sense, that I can't stand the idea of being thin, due to the fact that I don't want people to like how I look. -blinks- It's really weird.

    So I have no idea what this must feel like in one sense, and understand perfectly in another. I watch what I eat like a hawk, and depending on what I'm doing that day I could eat a measly 200 calories and be happy, and others I'm not happy till I hit 2000, even if my body doesn't need that much.

    This however, is a beautiful poem, and I hope that you can get better. Whatever better is for you.

    -Les


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    May 1, 2008

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    Yes indeed, ana is annorexia and yes it is quite scary to know that you have an eating disorder. Although I am not quite at that level yet, everytime I eat I think of how fat I'm getting, so I am very upset about it. Atelophobia I definately have a version of, considering I find myself inferior to others and believe myself to always be bad. I have to always be right, or I am miserable... It bugs people quite a lot.


  • eraced
    April 28, 2008
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    A very amazing poem. keep writing.

    drifting away.~erAced~

  • DarkRomantic113
    April 12, 2008
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    You brought a very real problem to face. I hope other girls can relate.


  • anawarfare
    April 10, 2008
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    I loved this poem!! It's a horrible thing this ED! You did a great job expressing it here!


  • glued-to
    January 6, 2008

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    awesome job with this one. i enjoyed the variety of fonts and spaces used in the poem too that gave it a kind of arguing with yourself edge. this was also a little creepy from my viewpoint just because it seemed very real, also because i have friends that this relates to all too well.
    you found a great way of describing not only the drive behind such diseases, but the result and the lack of energy, that is what i find truly captivating. because you took it into a different place. good job


  • CaliOkie silver member
    January 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    You capture very well the obsession of one who is trying to control that which is spinning out of control. The compulsion manifests itself as rigid control over some aspect of one's life that is completely under one's control. This alleviates anxiety over those aspects of life than can not be controlled.

    You imply, between the lines, that it is our inner selves, our thoughts and feelings, the most intimate part of ourselves, that can be under the least amount of control. Thus, it is often the obsessor who is their own worst enemy. Controlling emotions is like grabbing a hand full of water or sand -- the more you attempt to clamp down on them, the more they escape your grasp.

    This poem creates such an intensity of emotion and it works on so many different levels -- and that final line "but do you know who is to blame?" This last line opens a whole new can of worms -- who is really responsible for who and what we are? Would those names make a list too long to include, or is that only one name? This is an eternal question.

    I wish you great luck in the contest, even though I've got my own entry. You have provoked me to thought and I thank you for the great poem.

    CaliOkie


    • Never Fall in Love
      January 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      You've analysed this in so much depth that I never thought anyone could - also, your ideas back up the very theory that different people look at different things in different ways.

      Thank you


  • kirbysman Moderators member
    January 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Congratulations

    Well done for the silver trophy on this one. Very clever and rather unique way of doing it that I enjoyed very much.

    Paul


  • Fey Absinthe
    December 31, 2007
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    i love it!! the images in my head were so vivid...I felt the gall rise up in my gullet as well!!


  • backdrop.silhouette
    December 5, 2007

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    oh...my.
    this is really good.
    thank you and good luck in my contest. dammmmmn...it's really good.


  • Oleander
    December 5, 2007
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    This is amazing. You really have a great talent. Keep writing.


  • also called
    December 3, 2007

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    lengthily you got me to look

    a stand is more than vertical but internal

    Acutely there's a correlation with the aggressive resistance to social cooperation over if you give an inch they take a mile but now it's against self. possibly that's bolting from culture for control lessons as there are such concerns looping this problem in write-ups on the withdraw.

    The third stanza particulary gave it a velocity of leverage of language or clout of questions versus answers.

    Sometimes the dreariness of maintaining the stance seemed the spur of the poetry, but the dread of letting go to the innuendo of no direction rolls through too.

    The eighth stanza'a most kinetic with that being more magnetic when the surviving is getting static. The very final was almost stereotypical with haunting aspects of revenge slanted uselessly, flat out faltering by no intervention which was wanted for acceptance. That too could be the psychology this diagram takes of guessing worth.

    one missed nutrient may have a domino effect as well as not being taken care of emotionally...
    also called




  • ShadowEyes
    October 27, 2007

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    um... I like this... but it's a little too dark for this contest... do you think you can put something else in for this? like, write about this same fear... but not have this one? because I really don't want something about eating disorders... eating disorders=death and or suicide sometimes... and I didn't want that... Thank you. other than that you did a wonderful job writing this! keep up your amazing work.

    Shadow


  • AutumnsFlame
    September 23, 2007

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    This was not bad at all... honestly. I thought it was great and I don't say that a lot. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.


  • tawk gold member
    August 11, 2007

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    Hood-Winked!

    Wow so many suffer from eating disorders. Thanks for bringing this subject to our attention. It needs to be addressed more. Excellent write

    You have just been Hood-Winked courtesy of the Poetic Bandits


  • MoonlightBeam
    July 13, 2007

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    wow, this is amazing and very true I suffer from anorexia and believe me it's hard and I hope u get better from this


  • Dark Whispers
    June 27, 2007

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    wow, that was freakin awesome, I hope your friend recovers from this. this is a great write. You are so very talented


  • XXBrunettexBarbieXX
    June 12, 2007

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    WOW! This was a very AWESOME POEM! I can relate to this poem so much..having an eating disorder is really hard to deal with and an addiction that makes you feel better about yourself..you did a wonderful job at describing the struggles that someone who is anorexic would have to go through..i have to wonder if you wrote this from personal experience or if its something you just wrote..but anyways i enjoyed reading this..you wrote a beautiful poem about an eating disorder..keep writitng your talented..thank you for entering my contest and good luck hun

    ~Chrissy~


  • Pretera
    June 5, 2007

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    very thought provoking. I really connected with this poem because I once was anorexic... it's not fu


  • The Fallen Phoenix
    June 5, 2007

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    I have the say that the last line was the best. "Inhale. Exhale. That was the end." It was definitely a strong end to your poem.


  • mkincaid1985
    June 5, 2007
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    very nice

    makes you think.


  • Roaddog Wolf
    June 5, 2007

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    this for me was different

    but a person should not look down on themselves to a point of only seeing failure we all have our drawbacks but there is always hope that we can do better. Just have to try that's all that is important.


  • The Hardest Goodbye
    June 5, 2007
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    This was a really great peom. i enjoyed reading it. Great job!!! but sad also.


  • The mighty Ku
    June 4, 2007
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    ooh, pretty pretty...

    I didn't even read it to be perfectly honest.

1 - 35 of 35