i trusted you
i trusted you with everything
everything
but instead of helping me
you wounded me
perhaps fatally
and even if
by some miracle (curse)
i survive
i know
i will never fully heal
In a list
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I agree with Foxydaze, you definatly get the whole feeling of the pain associated with a broken relationship. It's always an extra painful expirence when you put your trust in someone and they let you down. I enjoyed your piece, and I think you should really take Foxydaze's suggestions into concideration because I think that they'd really benifit this particular poem. Thank you for sharing it was a great read.
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Without a doubt, by just reading this you get the whole emotions of a broken relationship that ended very badly. I like the beginning, but with one little tweak to it I think it would change the outlook on the whole work:
i trusted you
i trusted you with everything
everything
First of all you should capitalize the last word, everything and I think you should put a period after it because it makes a more dramatic feel. I think you should also do the same to this stanza:
and even if
by some miracle (curse)
i survive
Instead of putting curse in brackets you should move it down and put a period after it. And then maybe have a trail of periods after the last part:
I know
I will never heal
And another thing, you should always capitalize your "I". Thanks for sharing -
It leaves me wondering what "damage" has been done, either physically or mentally, or both for that matter. What you have here is very striking in its simplicity and I'm a little mad I didn't get to feel the history behind your words here. lol. It's the nosey person in every poet and everyone who reads poetry, I suppose. I love what you have, just being greedy and wanting a little more to support it.
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Yeah I know what you mean. But sometimes half the fun of literature is filling in the gaps yourself.
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Oh, but you will heal as DragonBlue sings a chant for you, Late into the long night I will remain, so that your spirit is free of all bloodstains, for within the light of blue, my spirit bleeds for you.
In perfect love and perfect trust. An ye harm none, do what thou wilt.
Blessed Be~By the Power of Three~So Mote It Be!
)O(
DragonBlue
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Very well captured, the height of angst. Nice write.
whisper
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"and even if
by some miracle (curse)
i survive"
That made it.
Amazing poem.
Amazing ending.
Just amazing.
There's a reason you're on my favorites list.
This is it.
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