Jennifer tries to make the move, the first to come between the blue
And you…
Stumble out into the room, to wind the clock that strikes too soon
And it’s the same way again, no twisted corner rounded bend
Too soon.
Jennifer chides the borrowed time, spent within the dusty page
Of scribbled dreams and forgotten days
That remain.
She walks within the empty space, her worn out shoes the only trace
Of her mood.
On down the road of scribbled dreams
She desperately tries to hem the seams,
And you…
Try to learn to accept the view.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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An interesting write though I'm certain I've missed the point. Perhaps at my age I'm past it. Happy trails.
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This is incrediblygood, it has a simon and garfunkle feel to it. It has a sort of sway about it, and very clever lyrics, a life blood all its own, I like it very much, thanks
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A Pleasure to Read
For some reason I really like the title, and I love the poem. The words give me a dreamy feeling, as I savor the idea of "scribbled dreams and forgotten days." The "dusty page" makes me think about all the notebooks I kept when I was twelve, that are now faded by sitting in the backseat of my dad's car for years. (Yeah, that's where I kept them). The pages are all stiff, like they've been rained on.
The structure of this piece is unique and creates a good flow in the mind of the reader. I like the short phrases dispersed in between the longer couplets. The last line also works very well as closure.
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Wonderful lyrics ...
atmospheric, with real, vivid imagery and some really fresh phrasings, e.g.
Stumble out into the room, to wind the clock that strikes too soon
Simply GREAT!
Loved this and FELT the music.
Myra
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I really like this piece. One of my favorite parts is:
On down the road of scribbled dreams
She desperately tries to hem the seams.
It's very deep and well written. Thanks for sharing -
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Thanks for your support on this work! ~Trev
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Stunning!
This is so amazing..
you blew me away with your imagery.
Honestly, one of the best i've read on here,
perhaps anywhere.
There are simply to many great lines to quote back to you.
I would have to say they're all my favorite.
Always impressed, ~Pastel
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Wow, I really appreciate your comment, it means alot to me, I am happy you enjoyed reading this one.
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bending as the willow wisp now
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This is brilliant! Its just perfect. Some of the most popular names in Psychedlic Music or poems are Lucy and Jennifer. Ever notice that? But a brilliant write.
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