.
Beret and
Glasses, black:
Negative space:
eyes, soul -
Hidden.
Voice,
grating like the shovel on a rock,
he began,
Think
Wall anchor goes in straight and flares,
secure behind your ribs.
Thought
that would be the worst
until the rope stretched taught,
my body weight suspended,
Screaming
Till I was hoarse
And in the forced silence
I waited,
a wind-chime
at the mercy
of your worded breathe,
stars circling above;
another form of vulture.
Visions:
my ribs snapping, Alien-like,
my chest exploding
rivers of blood coagulating,
forming skinned red buffalo;
popsicles for the youth
chasing away other hungers.
His shirt open,
I could see a more direct way to the soul
and the screaming began again.
.
A contest entry
- Repel - Experimental Poetry by cvillelisa.
450 points, ended June 24, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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The imagery in reading this is startling and at the same time its a thing of beauty? If I am wording this incoherently, I'm a bit tired. Your words are so forceful; you have a way of snapping a person awake with your writing and bringing them to attention. Excellent!
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There is such power here and so many emotions... The form you've used is interesting but, at times, (for me atleast) a little distracting. Some stunning use of vocabulary. Brilliant write!
-
pain falls
as the vision
of one who wants to continue on
remains stuck in limbo
both within this world
and in the spiritual world
yet can never remain in either.
so the soul screams through eternity.
well done my friend!
once again you allow me to see through your eyes
those lessons that need to be learned
-
I like this John
"Standin' on the gallows with my head in a noose;
Waitin' any minute now for all hell to break loose."
B Dylan-Things have changed.
I too liked the formatting here. And talk about putting yourself in someone else's shoes! Gazzikes!!
Tough row to hoe, John, but it came out good!
Regards,
John
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I thought something was wrong with my browser and the layout of your poem wasn't showing well.
All the things that play in someone's mind, sometimes just scary as reality is. I liked it how you made the intersection between the stanzas work so well, each a different image yet very much connected with one another.
You are good surprising the audience
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so different than I'm used to from you....
and so many images in this.. all of them haunting.
The last lines.. are incredibly strong..
I'll have to come back to this .... there's so much here worth exploring..
Great to see something so .. experimental from you..
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Nice formatting, I like it lots. This is like a painting that talks. How incredibly surreal and yet something strikes me that makes me think I understand. I love when that happens.
I am having a great time reading these. They are refreshing. This one contains tension strung between the stanzas. very cool.
Thanks so much for being willing to go someplace new.
Lisa -
Wow!!
Now this is different but I Love it
What a presentation and Beautiful Creation!
Message tugs at the heartstrings though
Magnificent job!
Best wishes to You in the contest
Many blessings too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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