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sunyata (villanelle #23)


fill with evanescent light
every momentary cell
coursed throughout imagined form

every vessel heart to limb
pulsing moments on to self
fill with evanescent light

illuminate each hidden fold
churning vapors through the soul
coursed throughout imagined form

every fiber bound to life
linking bone to skin be still
fill with evanescent light

elucidate this vital force
streaming like an endless swell
coursed throughout imagined form

every sorrow pain and fret
breathing mixed amid the silt
fill with evanescent light
coursed throughout imagined form

 

 

Author notes

to learn more about the villanelle: http://allpoetry.com/Column/784856/

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    I plan to revise this poem, please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • The Moonchild
    December 21, 2007

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    What a beautiful poem!
    When I read it I felt a sense of mysticism here. I loved the repetition of "fill with evanescent light". It sounds like a chant or incantation. The background is really cool as well! It suits the poem perfectly and gives it an air of mysteriousness!

    Blessing,
    ~Moonchild

    . Rewarded 6


    • Zahhar gold member
      December 21, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      ah yes. the background here is a picture of a nebula (forget which one now) taken by the hubble space telescope. i actually clipped out a small portion out of that much larger image that looked like it would mirror well, then i added the sidebar to it and reduced the brightness and contrast of the rest to make text show up nicely over it. glad you like the poem and the background.

  • Dorick
    December 14, 2007
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    The writing style reminds me of the band coldplay, who keep a beautiful tone to lyrics that often don't tell a story with any sort of plot, they just use the sounds of the words and word phrases to create beauty.

  • Sammers
    December 10, 2007
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    Wow. This is really great. I loved it. I really enjoyed reading this. It is very nice. However, I agree with Sheer, I dont' think that it flows well. I think it sounds as though you were forcing it. However, I think it has great potential. Keep on writing the great poems. -Sammers

  • Sheer Poetry
    October 25, 2007

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    Powerful

    Villanelles are a hard poem to maintain thought with. I see so many that lose the focus because it doesn't flow right, almost like it's forced. This, however, is beautifully written. Each stanza stands on its own merit, allowing the reader to linger in contemplation, then move on to another thought that eventually pulls together to make one amazing flow of thought. Thanks for sharing. Keep up the excellent work.

  • Nam
    October 22, 2007

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    I'm not very good at writing villanelles myself, but, the few I wrote, I think are okay in the vein they're in. One was a play on the title, it was a villanelle on villains.

    Anyway, enough about me.

    I state all the above because I admire those who can write in such forms such as this, and write it smoothly, and not make it seem too repetitious within its own repetition. I feel that you do that with this villanelle.

    A great poem that you have written here.


  • Nikkisixxx
    October 10, 2007

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    The way that you had three lines and then four at the end brought it to a really good conclusion. Well done

  • Cirion
    August 20, 2007

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    It is a nice write, like others have said before me. It didn't completely do it for me. I didn't really get drawn in it it the way your words rationally tell me that I should. That only means that people like different things and so I wouldn't change anything as this seem to work very well for many people... good job..

    . Rewarded 6


  • Midnight Fairy
    July 4, 2007
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    sdflkjsdf! That is my comment! I don't even have words. Honestly, I love this. It is wonderful, and beautiful. I absolutely love the atmosphere that leaks from these words, and literally, I can't even describe it.

    AMAZING job! I'm using my last applauses on you.

    . Rewarded 6


  • Foxydaze14
    June 19, 2007

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    Wow, I love this form and I enjoyed this piece, it's divine and touching. Your talent really shines through in this poem. Great work

    . Rewarded 4


  • myrataal silver member
    June 14, 2007

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    Been drenched by Light ...

    is the most wondrous experience, for me a "spiritual" heliotherapy and radiotherapy, almost, becoming transparent in warmth, within the radiating effects of Divine Love. I honestly believe herein lies the cure of changing matter, of being able to have a psychosomatic effect on healing.

    I once had a dream which changed my life: I dreamt I was stretched out in the Divine River of Life, water tepid and wondrous, and I absorbed it and was drenched in it and it became my very Life. I woke with divine power flowing inside me, absolutely joyous.

    This poem reminded me of that experience. It is soul Supreme. It is what I know it is: a spiritual awareness driven by yearning, sensitivity and intensity. I loved the stripped lines in their acute acknowledgement of bare(n)ness to the bone and transparency. Thank you.

    Love
    Myra

    . Rewarded 8

  • Kay Laon Anders
    June 10, 2007

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    Hmmm...

    The images in my head are slightly funny while reading this one so I won't explain those at the moment...

    But thoughts are slightly on the okay side of the brain: I thought of a child being formed in the woman..sort of a mother child experience....I will have to read later for more details... On someone else computer...have to hurry to other write I missed while away from cyber world...lol

    . Rewarded 8


  • theredcatjazzoflove gold member
    June 9, 2007

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    this was a confusing read for me and I couldnt get in to the read i'm toated though i am drunk today is my b day but i'll cme try to read it again.

  • I-Like-Rhymes gold member
    June 5, 2007

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    I seem to be seeing/hearing a lot of villanelles recently, there were even some at the open reading I went to this weekend.
    Whilst yours is as usual technically correct and uses the language well there is one thing that bothers me.
    Line 2 every momentary cell. For me momentary does not seem to fit here. Individual, particular, and many others yes, but momentary with its time rather than physical connotation does not work for me.
    Your choices are rarely illogical so please elucidate.
    Jim

    • Zahhar gold member
      June 5, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      momentary as in impermanent. i thought of using "transitory", too, but that felt too technical in a poem that already has some big lingo bouncing its way through. "momentary" seemed to flow better, too. everything attempts to connote impermanence.

  • black kitten22
    June 5, 2007

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    nice write, i felt you kinda skimmed the surface with it though, the repitition works quite well, its not your best piece but its well written and imagined, i really liked the line " linking bone to skin be still" its quite charming and distinctive, i cant say it really had a moving effect on me, as some of your other writes have, i cant poinpoint why, a very decorative piece erin

    . Rewarded 8


    • Zahhar gold member
      June 5, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      well, the surface is all i really know, so that's all i can get into.

  • Ankeeta silver member
    June 4, 2007

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    uhmm i am reading villanelles after a verrrry long time...especially yours and you know my teeny weeny brain always find tough to understand your lines

    but anyway you always rock when it comes to form poetry...keep going this way...if not people like me, but the ones who have a high intelligence status would definitely be searching for such kinda piece



    kits

    . Rewarded 8


  • Jalalbad gold member
    June 4, 2007
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    I am impressed

    the deeps of the poem is beyond what I can explain yet I do understand. Smile

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