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what love do to human

Nobody seems to care.
nobody seems to notice
that i have lost myself.

I was young and naive
giving my heart and soul
to a silly thing call love.

Love was the reason
that I gave my life
to a guy I barely knew.

My crystalline heart
crushed beneath his hands
betrayel taking over my eyes
pain all over again.

Madness consuming sanity.
as hopes fade away...
Darkness engulfing light.

A transition
that I am going through,
burns inside.

I can't hold on much longer

Author notes

uhm...i hope you like it...and preeti help me with my words...

A contest entry

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Comments


  • Delete this polease
    June 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Its really good. It holds alot of emotion and flows beautifuly. Thanks for entering and good luck.

  • phoenixonfire
    June 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    GOOD JOB!

    A very strong write...which highlights the emotions very creatively!! I like the words here...simple yet attention grabbing!! The flow is good though there are some things that could be improved about this write
    grammer first I am no grammer champ but here we go:

    Nobody seems to care.
    nobody seems to notice
    that i had(have) lost myself.

    Young and naive i(I) was,

    can be changed to
    I was young and naive


    giving (away..no need) my heart and soul
    to a stupid(silly...maybe) thing call love.

    Love was the reason
    that I gave my life
    to a guy i(I) barely knew.

    He crushed with a rock,
    the glass heart i gave,
    when he decided to became unfaithful.

    Could be changed to something like:

    My crystalline heart
    crushed beneath his hands
    betrayel taking over my eyes
    pain all over again.

    Madness consume(consuming) sanity.
    as hopes fade away...
    Darkness engulfing light.

    A transition
    that I am going through,
    burns inside.

    I can't hold on much longer
    ....


    That would be my suggestions! Otherwise the poem is nice and flowy!!

    HOpe this was help to you!!

    THanks for sharing and good luck!

    hugs n kisses
    preets