My screaming flesh falls of my bones,
The muscles detach and part,
My motor bleeds and stops the heart,
I need you here beside me,
My leader of this realtionship,
The goddess of censorship,
I can't go on with you here,
My cutting edge of a firey blade,
The man; that was once a mountain,
is now deteriating and affraid,
I am not the man no more,
My love whinces like a beaten dog,
The love for a woman so feared yet loved,
I dye within your arms, but no before I kill our baby,
the new devil,
the new one upholding the power,
the new leader,
Die you bastard ......
The last breath of a beaten man....
Author notes
Kind of sad... Strong.. Powerful !
A contest entry
- Skeletons in the Closet? by XHollowXEyesX.
800 points, ended June 2, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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It reads angry and powerful but a bit disjointed. I think there are spelling errors such as "dye" instead of "die" but I realize that sometimes that may be intentional.
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This is such an intense write. I do not know whether to feel angry or sad. I loved how you ended the piece, finish's it off beautifully. There are a few spelling errors, though but these do not take away from the power and impact that it has.
Great use of language.
Thanks for entering
All the best
~Hollow~ -
i agree hunni
very strong powerful and sad i do have to agree another one that gets into your head
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It is strong, I must say, but I was confused as to who you were. The man? The woman? the child? But it's good either way.
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oh..in case you are wondering
i am ur Vampy
on my friend's ap account
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i have the feeling i read this a long time ago before i knew you.
i know this is the second comment
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Interesting poem... had to check u out after u "glared" at me... but sorry to say that i don't quite get it
really, wish i understood the feelings behind those intense words... anyhow, i do like your picture! lol <3 *muah*
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wow.. very powerful...
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Amazing...
Impressive piece hun....a few spelling errors,but nothing major...
you rock! -
this is my fave bit of this amazing poem:
I am not the man no more,
My love whinces like a beaten dog,
The love for a woman so feared yet loved,
I dye within your arms, but no before I kill our baby,
the new devil,
the new one upholding the power,
the new leader,
Die you bastard ......
The last breath of a beaten man....
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whoa.. this is amazing alex!
My screaming flesh falls of my bones,
The muscles detach and part,
My motor bleeds and stops the heart,
I need you here beside me,
My leader of this realtionship,
The goddess of censorship,
I can't go on with you here,
My cutting edge of a firey blade,
amazingness
Lovels and stuffs
xoxo
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wow omg
that really left me speechless
amazing
-suicidal revenge-
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wow!!!!! this was absolutely incredible alex..........i enjoyed this piece great job
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