I'm going to take you to a dark place that only I know
The only ones to find your body are the worms and the crows
I'm on my knees, your in my arms, I see the blood
So beautiful I'll never let you go, no one will see what I've done
I took you from them and your mine forever from this day on
They'll come for you but no one'll stop me
In the dark I hear the scream…they found the bodies
The men of your village fought there best
I broke through there gates and fed on there flesh
I did it for you, for our love will never be held back
I can go deep into the night leaving no trace or tracks
Your still sleeping from the poisons of man, I'll keep you safe
Yourself and my child in your belly will stay with me in a dark place
You showed me what no one shown before
The love for a monster only known by myth and lore
I lay you down on a bed of damp grass and rest of my knees
The winds soft song blows through the trees
I go to the river and wash the blood from my claws teeth
I can still taste the blood of them that kept you from me
I gather flowers for you when you wake
Bright colours and glorious scents they make
Will you love me when the sun rises and I'm a man again?
Or will you flee in terror for what I have done?
I've hidden in shadows for my entire life
When you found me in the dark it was a magical night
You let me touch you and hold you like a real man
You gave yourself to me, you never ran
A demon of rage has been calmed and tamed
Until they came with there torches and swords and I was shamed
They thought they killed me in my Dark Place in the woods
They wanted to take you and my child from me, the men in hoods
My child will live, he will be a great leader of tribes
Natures Warriors will sing songs of his honour and pride
They will give honour to you for loving a monster like me
They will give thanks to you for what you've seen
When the sun rises the poison will release you and you'll be mine
I'll be a man again and you'll be my women when the sun shines
Sleep for now you'll need your rest, leave your life to me
I'll keep you and my child safe for all eternity
Author notes
Beauty and the Beast...redone
A contest entry
- Show Me Your Darkside by AshesFromFire.
700 points, ended June 14, 2007, 112 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - WEREWOLVES ONLY by joleahe.
600 points, ended June 19, 2007, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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This piece is really enjoyable, although without a dark background, it took slightly from the ambience of this piece. Hard to top.
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Wow, I really enjoyed this piece. Very sensually passionate, dark, kinda morbid but sweet and sad.
It reminds me of the Beauty & the Beast. The mention of men with torches and hoods reminds me of the 19th century or something..
This lines especially caught my attention:
"Your still sleeping from the poisons of man, I'll keep you safe
Yourself and my child in your belly will stay with me in a dark place
You showed me what no one shown before
The love for a monster only known by myth and lore"
Well done! Thanks for entering my contest!
Blessed Be,
~Evolet
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So deep. I can see the sensuality between the two characters here, although the actual sex that brought about the child is already past and is only alluded to by the pregnancy. Even so, this is a very sweet poem, and the main character's burning devotion and his mention of the female character "giving herself to him" lets the imagination run. Good piece.
Best of luck and thanks for entering! -
This is a great poem so dark so deep. The pain and longing the hunger he feels is evident. Its very descriptive and just so good but I need to know what option you chose to consider this poem. Please put it in your author notes for me.
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Wow what a deep and dark write. So full of wonderful imagery and emotions. Good luck in the contest
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My child will live, he will be a great leader of tribes
Natures Warriors will sing songs of his honour and pride
They will give honour to you for loving a monster like me
They will give thanks to you for what you've seen
When the sun rises the poison will release you and you'll be mine
I'll be a man again and you'll be my women when the sun shines
Sleep for now you'll need your rest, leave your life to me
I'll keep you and my child safe for all eternity
this is nice but remmeber to use my poem title
some grammar erros like that of the second line -
long rhythms are always hard to run through
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This is very dark, but a little too wordy for me. If you shorten the sentences by taking out some of the words you really don't need, it captivates the reader more. Beautiful work.
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wow, very nicley done! I actully really liked this! The flow was flawless, makeing the poem easy to read. The rhyme was clever and didn't sound fourced! The ideas and content were original and interesting! All in all you did quite a good gob! good luck!
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Thank you very much, i hope i do good with this one. Thanks for the support
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Very dark - interesting how you portray the monster - I like the repetition - also good rhyming too - (there's a bunch of mistakes though - you might wanna patch it up - I know it's annoying but it distracts from the poem).
In terms of the contest I think I must remove it - I feel really bad because it's not a prewrite but the only rule I had was no erotica - maybe if you edit it out a little - anyways super job all the same!
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I always appreciate critisism, it helps me do better in the future, this peice actually isn't even erotica but i classified it as that because of the romance aspect of it and because of the use of a pregnant women. Thanks anyway for the consideration
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