When I can dare to keep my head high
and all plans for waging a war against another nation
are put at the lowest ebb
Where all their politicians move ahead
with quite
a unblemishing record
And the seasons do their acts and deeds on dotted lines
where the bureaucracy is of high integrity
and public maintain unity despite diversity of religions
The nation is regarded and respected as noble one
and the nationalism held in the minds, souls and hearts
is considered by all others as the one that flies high in the soaring skies
Author notes
Nation is a mirror of cultural life of the people
A contest entry
- Nationalism by unknownpleasure.
401 points, ended June 3, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
First, you didn't follow the rules, so I can't trophy you. Sorry.
Did you mean to repeat the title in the first line? It's not clear. I think this piece needs a thorough edit, there are some good ideas in here, but the execution is a little sloppy. Some suggestions:
'another nation'
'at their lowest ebb'
'a quite unblemished record'
'despite diversity of religions'
'as noble'
It's up to you, of course. I do really like the last two stanzas, the penultimate on particular. With some work, this could be quite good...
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