On a rock amidst the ocean green
There lays a lovely mermaid teen,
Bathed in rays of silvery moon,
The waves dance to her covetous croon
Of a serpent in the waters blue,
She thinks and croons in darkening hue
Oh! What burns inside that heart?
Like a witch’s oil, tearing apart!
Love can be venomous at times,
She weeps and howls in dreary rhymes,
Castles of faith are standing by,
But heart is baffled mind is sly
Until when things will churn and mould?
And curses said and stories told?
Sky dithers in showering bliss
Resentments bang at lightning’s hiss
Come oh! Prince, of castles far,
And score these robes of green-eyed tar,
She drones a covetous aching song
Of jealousy, women, love and long!
3rd June 2007
Author notes
what jealousy can do to women...
This contest is anonymous. please do not mention my name.
Covetous (part II)
http://allpoetry.com/poem/3096254
In a list
A contest entry
- Thanks For The Memories by broken-colours.
500 points, ended July 1, 2007, 34 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Phenomenom #8 by Ryno.
300 points, ended June 13, 2007, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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Very nice
Hope you are not this mermaid. If you are, you must be an enchantress. The lines of your poem sing!
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Beautiful...just beautiful!
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great all i want to say is HOLY SHIT ITS A MERMAID! lol great write deserves silver if not gold trophy
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I do like the flow of this.......thank you and love the picture of the injured mermaid!!!
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great write i really like it...it has tons of imagery... continue to write and good luck in the contest!
~Nicole~ -
Beautiful
This poem is remarkable. I love the theme of the page (I must comment on this first). I loved the grey background beautifully relfecting your imagery within the poem. Also, the photo as a header for this piece is stunning within itself. Nice set up, you pulled me in with not only that but with your writing style on this piece within itself.
I often find myself absorbed within poems with flow, structure, and a rhyming scheme. Although my poetry lacks pour flow at times I still hold that against no one else... It just makes it simpler for me . Yours definitely had great flow, your rhyming scheme was continuous, and this definitely had a structure. Did I enjoy the poem for these very reasons... Partially. It was the poem within itself I loved. You could've left out all the things that I enjoyed about poetry that I search for and I would've loved it so kudos to you for this beautiful piece and it definitely belongs on the finalists list within the contest "Thanks for the Memories". The best to you and please do keep up the great writing!
Alex
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Liked the very first lines and the message of this piece. Awesome flow and wicked, breath taking rhymes. Although, I think the first stanza was the strongest, and started to die down throughout the poem -- still, a good read. Thanks for the entry.
Ryan -
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thanks
thanks a lot for your comment. I appreciate your views.
good wishes
-Neha
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This really good, Neha. Very well executed andddd sems well thought out.
You've expressed the woes of feelings incured by someone in love, the doubts, the jealousy, the hope, daunted by those inferior feelings.
Good job, good luck in the contest
Dee
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Thanks
Thanks a lot for the sweet comment and applause. I appreciate your views on my verse.
good wishes
-Neha
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Excellent! Yes, jealousy is a very terrible thing, consuming the hearts of many, especially of a woman in love. Loved this. thanks for entering!
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Thanks
thanks for the comment. I appreciate your views.
good luck
-Neha
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Masterpiece
Neha,believe me , this work is really straight from ur heart , beta...this is wonderfully marvellous..very good job.
Wish u luck n love for a bright future.
Himadri
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Thanks
Dear Himadri...
Thanks a lot for your words of praise... your comments are awaited, for they always guide me correctly. [] I'm glad you liked this one.
take care
-Neha
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Wonderful Write
Hello Neha, Your poem is so full of great imagery. You have described the piture so well. Yes there are those who trick our hearts into thinking they love us and lure us into heartache and pain. You have captured that sentiment very well. Hope all is well with you. Many Blessings to you.
You take care, Mum
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Sweet
Dear mum,
thanks a lot for this lovely comment.. I love to be read by those whom I love.. your words are always an inspiration..
thanks for being here
Love s
-Neha -
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Thank You Sweet Neha
Hello, I hope your heart sings of happiness and never dwells in the gray clouds that seem to come our way from time to time. It is always so nice to hear from you. I am still trying to find my way to a little happiness. I hold on to my faith. It seems to be the only thing constant in my life these days. Your words are very uplifting and make me smile. Still trying to find myself but will always be here for you.
Love you Neha, Mum
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Beautiful! I love this one- it put a bittersweet smile on my face. Thank you for that smile! I loved the truthfulness written so flowingly! *applauds!*
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Thanks
Dear Shahrazad,
thanks a lot for your lovely comment...I'm glad you liked my poem..
good luck
-Neha
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Thanks
dear poet, thanks a lot for your lovely comment.. I'm glad you liked my poem..
take care
-Neha
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This is a lovely poem. I love the whole mermaid thing.
Love can be venomous at times,
She weeps and howls in dreary rhymes,
Castles of faith are standing by,
But heart is baffled mind is sly
I like this bit. Good luck. -
clap, clap, clap. "Love can be venomous at times," <-great line. You fit the poem to that picture very well. This is a keeper.
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Thanks
Dear Michael,
thanks a lot for your lovely comment.. Ur comments are always awaited.
take care
-Neha
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