When I loved you, love was nothing but a wing
That helped my heart to move with more poise and pace
With the glow of a star captured upon my palm
I toke your love as trust where I went
Soft vineyard eyes that blossomed my charisma
Your lips like picked cherries from the cherry tree
As if the sun shunned upon a branch your skin shunned beauty
My heart met upon the beauty of your presence
But now I know my love for you was never made
I now know I was only in love with the beauty of me
Knowing the way I feel after you spoke
Is that I was never in love with you but with me
and you were in love with me...
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I felt there was too much repitition
here... a lot of the same words
were used, and I didn't feel
much emotion from this piece.
The ending was a bit cheesy
to me.. but then again that's
just my opinion. Good effort,
though. -
i very much like the last bit, very descriptive piece overall.
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really great. the cherry tree and lips; and skin and shunned beauty imagery really stands out. i think a lot of people can relate to this concept.
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Wow, not exactly what I was expecting but an amazing poem nonetheless. I absolutely love the cherry tree imagery, it speaks volumes about the deeper meaning to this poem. Great write!
Thanks for entering! -
Dang that I've never heard a more a vain and conceited poem than this, But I hope you win the contest though.
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Wow. This really spoke to me! This contains some fascinating ideas and it's beautifully penned. I love the line "With the glow of a star captured upon my palm"- stunning. Well done!
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