Captive inside my own mind,
I'm living in this human bind.
Help me God. Speak to me.
Help me mend my broken key.
The key that opens my own door,
That leads me to a whole lot more.
Behind this door, there's much to find.
Too much of it has been confined.
Now's my time to let it free.
Free as it all should be.
Author notes
This is my first rhyming poem...please tell me what you think.
A contest entry
- Out of control by Andu.
450 points, ended June 13, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything by Nam.
900 points, ended August 25, 2007, 97 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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The use of a word at the end beginning the next line seemed a tad overdone in this piece. Though short, it still seemed a bit over reaching in the repetition and was seemingly dry, in regard.
The rhyming was okay for a first. The rhymes didn't seem overly forced, though some did (such as the "key" line) but, for a short rhyme piece it didn't seem to drag in such regard.
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If this is your first rhyming poem, I am impressed. I really enjoyed this poem, your frustration at being held down by situations beyond your control, it very well conveyed. Also, this poem is very nicely written. I like the effect of the meter and the rhyming couplets. Great write, well done! Thanks for your entry in my contest, and good luck!
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