He left me there standing
all alone in the dark
blood streaming down my face
His words stung like a poison dart
strait at my heart in pain
my eyes were bloodshot red
and very dry from crying
This talk was
the last talk we have ever had
I only said a few tiny words
before he got down and furious
I said I wanted to be a ballet dancer
he really disagreed
that was just some lousy way of breaking up he said
He punched me a couple of times
and lashed his nails at me
and finally walked away in glory or in glee
He just wanted to get back at me
and that plan, oh it worked well
I am at this very moment
planning my sweet revenge.
A contest entry
- Ages 13 and Under Only ~ Pick a Title and Roll With it 2 by Amunet Wolfbane.
450 points, ended June 14, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
A very deep dark and painful piece you have written here. Many people suffer from this sort of thing all over the world. It really is very sad and scarey too. Nicely Done!
Blessings
celticmoon
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wow..
yuyu... *shocked...*
damn this is good though. very very dark.. and then triumphant at the end. well going to be triumphant.
i really like the beginning. it's like that, and then the pain comes flashing back to you. like a flash back~
good luck.
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stanzas 2,3,6---last lines of each can be cut in half but overall this was a good read
Socre: 93 -
Cool!! *omg*
Wow, it's so deep and meaningful...
I love how you're out for revenge, what are you going to do? Though I usually wouldn't agree with getting revenge, I think that if he hit you he deserves what he gets.
Unless you were planning on harming him more than he harmed you. I really enjoyed this free verse and I hope that you will write more poetry for me to comment on.
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