Like a tree without water
You deprived me with thirst
You crush my will
You left me powerless
My limbs like branches
Weakness by starvation of love
You broke my spirit
You held me from growing
You sucked the life out
Of a once fruitful soul
My leafs of life have fallen
With the breaking of my heart
My roots are dying
For my pride and self respect is gone
With the wind I am falling
As I drown in my despair
Soon I’ll be brush for fire
As my soul enters the earth
I am dust for the wind to blow
Endlessly
A contest entry
- Entrapment by babi.
800 points, ended June 11, 2007, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
-
a nice comparison to a tree without water. Perhaps more sincerity though i love the imagery
-
-
Thank you dear for you great comments well appreciated.
(LSA)
-
-
A sad but yet somehow optimistic poem, for it leaves where I feel there's a truning point. Maybe theword fire or soul entering earth rather a renewal than as death. I do find the word "love" in the third stanza could have been done without, as this is a poem on love and the analogy would have been understood anyway. A nice read, good to whisper in someone's ear by a fireplace in cold winter night.
-
-
Thank you for the great review and I thought about useing an other word like (loneliness) I will play with the sentence. Thank you again for the suggestion (Lisa)
-
-
such sad poem,great usage of z pic,wow u really've z power of great usage of words,great write as usual,keep z beat going on mom
-
-
Thank you sweet rose
Your always so supportive. love Mom (Lisa)
-
-
wow so powerful! Beautiful, beautiful imagery, the whole poem, the picture, the style you have used and the way you have tied the whole piece in with the picure just adds more to the emotion. Using methophors throughout just helps the reader to understand, relate and be able to feel the emotion and pain described. I am truely touched by this poem, i couldn't give enough praise, so deep, i'm knocked off my feet. Reading over it there is no one stanza that i favour, they are all flawless, a short but impacting poem, short verses but so powerful. Absolutely outstanding! Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest babi xxx
-
-
Thank you so much for the HM. It made me happy. And thank you for the great review and applauds. (Lisa)
-
-
Oh Wow
This poem speaks pain, and sorrow in life. The pain of heartbreak, and lost. The pain of one who has been trampled on, and taken for granted.
-
-
Yes my dear that the way I feel sometimes but its not about me I am fine and doing well. I was just one of my sad moods. Thank you My sweet Daughter (Lisa0
-
-
Excellent Imagery!!
A very creative and heartfelt write!! The emotion in this poem is strong and enables your reader to feel what you feel as it's read. A wonderful poem even though it is a sad situation. Time heals you still have an excellent write, Don
-
-
Thank you Don my dear friend
Long time I have not seen you or hear from you. You been undercover or what. Thanks for the beautiful reivew and the applauds. take care and don't be a stranger. (Lisa) -
-
Thanks Lisa! I have been falling asleep in my chair alot. HA! Must be working too hard. Nice hearing from you too, Don
-
-
-
Lisa....
did someone dump on you recently? If so, they just made the biggest mistake of their lives. Of course, I realize that this might be entirely fictional, as some us writers are wont to do. But even then, don't, we oft base our writings on past experiences. If it is a past experience, and you are just now dealing with it, that's ok, you will figure it out. BUT, if it is something that's happening presently, emotion often get in the way. My suggestion would be, to hold your pride up, and be what you want to be! For, there is no one irreplacible in this world, accept for God...
Anyway, I thought this was a beautiful, forceful write here, and it relates to something we have all been through, thank you very much!
"I am dust for the wind to blow
Endlessly"
And so are we all lady, so are we all, very good point there.
All my love,
Brazos
-
-
Your so sweet with you comments. I like the way you start you sentences. No one dumped me, I'd be so lucky if they did. HAHAHA I am a hopeful romantic and write about love and unlove what can I say. Thank you for the suggestion its wonderful. And I am find really. Thank you for you great review and the applauds. I will write some thing more cheery for you to read and put a smile on your Beautiful face. (Lisa)
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 15 of 15
