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the evil within

the evil within
longs to be free
longs to taste blood
needs your throat in its mouth
it needs to mate with your empty soul
it needs for your eyes to turn dull
and your tongue to hang out
your eyes will be blood filled
because torture will be the game
a knife, thorns, and hot wax
you can feel it cant you
as I scald your skin then
prick your chest with thorns
until I draw blood
then I lick it off
and bite down
the knife will then do its job
slicing thin cuts in your abdomen
your eyes are filled with terror
the knife goes lower
you try to scream but cant
for you have a gag in your mouth
then I cut across your hips
your crying now and your losing blood
red everywhere
I put a thorn in your eyes
they bleed to as they cut vessels
your now crying blood
all over my cream colored silk sheets
then I end it all with a cut across your adams apple
slowly I watch your eyes go sullen and dull
then I take you out to the lake and dump you in it
then I go look for my next prey.

Author notes

this is an old poem that i had on here before and it was popular so now its back.
option 1
"!!!RAINBOWS AND STUFF!!!"

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 26 of 26

  • LotusRyda
    May 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    damn this is a good write
    i liked the last line
    "then I go look for my next prey"


  • LadyUnique silver member
    May 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    thank you for entering and good luck


  • doyouloveit
    October 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i loved it dark bloody full of horror so terribly beautiful you did awesome here


  • MothandRust
    September 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Agonising, but can't look away!

    So dark cold and pure evil. I don't know if I could write it. I don't know if I should read it again. I will... it's great. The spelling of 'your' instead of 'you're' in some parts is a bit distracting (I'm a teacher - always proofreading) eg. "your crying now and your losing blood"


  • AshliiAsphyxiation
    August 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Ahhmazing i looove the way gore fits into this without going over the top. xx


  • Amanda1
    July 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for the entry! Good luck in the contest.


  • sleepingINblackRain
    July 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    interesting write


  • Synthetic-Nightmare
    June 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    OH YEAH

    I HAVE READ THIS ONE! haha, silly me! lol. And i love it even better this time around!

  • wendymolly
    June 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I can see why this poetry is popular! this is a very goooood write you have here! good luck in the contest!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and so without further ado, you are a finalist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*Happy*


  • TwistedTatum
    June 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is a very visual poem, i like that, it really puts the image in my mind. good luck!


  • Lord Merlynn
    June 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is a good write, although there are a few places where you could have used a little bit of a different word usage. There are a couple parts that sounded a little cliche, but great. Instead of using the word "red" you could use scarlet instead.

    I hope I didnt scare you away with a critical review of this. I did enjoy the read though. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.


  • x Bright Eyes x
    June 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    hi and thank you for entering and i enjoyed the flow in this it was very good


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    June 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    yeah pretty freaky indeed... I am glad i'm not like that anymore. Bloodythirsty and the kind of person even at aged 11/12 you wouldn't invite out to a party in fear they may do something terrible. Ah the good old days...


  • Megan Awesome
    June 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was really cool and demented. Just the type of poetry I enjoy reading. Thank you so much for entering.
    Megan

  • Synthetic-Nightmare
    June 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    FUCK YES!

    THIS IS AMAZING! ABSOLUTELY AMAZING! OLD OR NOT I FUCKIN LOVE IT! Such violence and i love sharp objects......*evil grin*


    • joleahe
      June 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you. Im glad u liked it. it has been everyones fav. since i wrote it. so i brought it back again!


      • Synthetic-Nightmare
        June 12, 2007
        Edit | Reply

        Ha

        i can definitely see why. It's very dark and twisted. Which i know YOU KNOW i like!

        ^_^


        • joleahe
          June 12, 2007
          Edit | Reply
          yeah and I like your dark and twisted poems too!


  • Crimson Blaze
    June 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    its pure evil and very descriptive of everything. i like. good wor


  • thelovesongwriter
    June 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    holy shit...crazy..but is this a vampire? o well. if it is, you did a good job disguising it.. beautiful.!


  • WanderingCyclone
    June 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    It's good. Creepy in a sense...good luck


  • Psychoticemochick
    June 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    *Shivers*

    This really makes shivers run up my spine. Evil truely is part of the darkness. Really creative and creepy.

1 - 26 of 26