Lisa wants to run from here
far and far and far away
is anywhere but home
'cause home is where she sleeps at night
Yorik grins and sings through my window
I knew her well
I knew her well
I knew her well
Lisa reads the myths she's made
and shakes her head, they're very strange
she trips up on last night's dreams
rehashed hours just add to age
but 24 can change the scene
linking the past to the future
we're not there yet,
no, we're not there yet
Lisa runs from what she knows
straight into the other
and every time she runs she holds
herself a little closer
because tomorrow is different
and tomorrow is different
and tomorrow will be different tomorrow
but there are blackflies in New York
and there're mosquitoes in B.C.
there's a spider in my coffee
so I don't drink it
no, I don't drink it
mostly, life is not quite fair
Lisa is afraid of birth
ordinary wind-blown hair
shows a freedom she can't claim
linking the future to the past
we're not there yet,
no, not there yet
Lisa runs from what she knows
straight into the other
and every time she runs she holds
herself a little closer
because tomorrow is different
and tomorrow is different
and tomorrow will be different tomorrow
but there are blackflies in New York
and there're mosquitoes in B.C.
there's a spider in my coffee
so I don't drink it,
no, I don't drink it
Lisa wants to run from shards
of her unexamined life
and finding peace is just too far
too many miles from here to change
Thursday's child has far to go
Thursday's child has far to go
She holds onto broken glass
that looks something like a poem
the breaking happened all too fast
she reached back five years and a while
and only now can she smile
only now she can smile
Lisa runs from what she knows
straight into the other
and every time she runs she holds
herself a little closer
because tomorrow is different
and tomorrow is different
and tomorrow will be different tomorrow
but there are blackflies in New York
and there're mosquitoes in B.C.
there's a spider in my coffee
so I don't drink it,
yeah, I don't drink it
Yorik's grinning through my window
standing on his shovel
watching my fresh coffee perk
sniffing, he sings
I knew her well
I knew her well
I knew her well
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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You would benefit from seriously considering a revisement of the second line, first verse. It sounds too much like Star Wars and distracts the reader from the actual message of the poem.
Suggestion for change:
Lisa wants to run from here
far
and far is
anywhere but home
'cause home is where she sleeps at night
Yorik grins and sings through my window
I knew her well
I knew her well
I knew her well
With this the lines may appear off, but I have often found with song lyrics line length isn't as essential as long as the way the song is meant to be read follows the cadence and melody.
I do not think the redundancy of "tomorrow" works. I can't picture it fitting for the melody, and the emphasis on tomorrow is unnecessarily excessive in my opinion. For the chorus how about:
"Lisa runs from what she knows
straight into the other
and every time she runs she holds
herself a little closer
because tomorrow is different
tomorrow will be different tomorrow
but there are blackflies in New York
and there're mosquitoes in B.C.
there's a spider in my coffee
so I don't drink it,
no, I don't drink it"
I think by taking out that extra "tomorrow" line the tomorrows will fit better with the style and tone of the last five lines of the chorus.
And those last five lines. . .
"but there are blackflies in New York
and there're mosquitoes in B.C.
there's a spider in my coffee
so I don't drink it,
no, I don't drink it"
Can I just say wow, awesome?
Like I know you are a freakin' amazing writer and surprise me all the time, but this is just. . ........ So freakin' good for lyrics Sarah! Makes for an exceptional hook that sticks in the brain too! very creative at the same time.
You have also integrated "Thursday's Child" and that "glass"ic theme, an aspect of your writing that says much about you and your writing style. I think that's an admirable component to this piece. It makes me smile, and reflect. It adds to the history and greater story of your poetics along side such poems as "sea glass".
I also dig the "I know her well" reps.
AND WHAT AN ENDING!
Completely unexpected and different -- love the last stanzal verse
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