A killer I will be
But only when the time comes
I look out and see all there is
All I've become
I run away, I'm afraid
Of what creates who I truly am.
A killer mind a killers taste
I lurk about and watch them sleep
The people I see who have come to me
They have beauty but its in their pain.
They scream and yell
Plead for the help they cant find.
Background music is playing
Death metal reeks through my ears
The demonic noises make me do it
I slit the throat, grab the neck
watch you choke and gasp for a small breath
Hot red liquid, purified on my insides
Twists and turns as the colors spread
Thicker and darker, making me hot
Oh what a sensation murder can be
Deranged serial raping
I watch you die as I giggle inside
Licking the remainder of the blood off my wrist
Oh the laughter as the rest of your blood runs dry
A contest entry
- Murderous, Gruesome, Sick, Twisted....... by Synthetic-Nightmare.
1600 points, ended June 8, 2007, 35 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - SCARE ME TO DEATH by thelovesongwriter.
410 points, ended June 6, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My first year on AP by forever dreaming.
450 points, ended June 17, 2007, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - In A Mind Of Darkniss by Myth Of Twilight.
890 points, ended June 5, 2007, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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very dark loved it
you really explained it perfectly i felt like i was transported to the scene (dont really think id want to be there though lol)
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O.O Damn...
how could I have missed this one??? I thought I read it and wanted to re-read it and realized I never commented it...
so here it is
I freakin love it... This is such a great poem I love how the words create such a graphic visual... I must say you deffinatly got me with this one
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this is a good job of a killer's perspective. what a talent you have hun
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Sorry but strong as your poem may be it is not the sort of thing I enjoy reading. Good luck in future contests though.
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This reminds me of a movie...about a serial killer in the states a long time ago. Very well written. Good Job. *Thumbs up*
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I LOVE IT!!!
I don't give a shit if everyone else says it's deranged, I feel like letting out that beast in me sometimes.... grrr..... I love this piece because it's so deliciously menacing. Beautiful!
-Nick
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Your far to kind
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great write sorry im in a rush hear so ill just say great work i loved the read and best of luck in my contest in the end
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bad stuff here
this is a bit off the chart. with violence the way it is in this country, any portrayal of such is not needed, for badness affects all of us. War was hell, and then back to live in cities like animals. bad shit! for sure.
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Oh I agree the contest was based on that though.
I just recntly wrote a poem about war and presidents... It was dq from the contest it was entered in cause well...tehy were dq for any reason they founf fit...
but yea i think its an okay poem as for this one its out there in every way
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very sick! but not scary enough for me..
I watch you die as I giggle inside
Licking the remainder of the blood off my wrist
Oh the laughter as the rest of your blood runs dry
^^great stanza. loved it. great job & good luck! -
This is really good.
I like the last stanza in this poem.
It relates to some of the feelings I have at times.
It makes me happy -
BAH AHAHAH!
THIS IS PURE GENIOUS! FUCK! I have sooo many lines i love, ok ok, i love this/these lines:
"Death metal reeks through my ears
The demonic noises make me do it
I slit the throat, grab the neck
watch you choke and gasp for a small breath"
AND I LOVE THESE LINES:
"Thicker and darker, making me hot
Oh what a sensation murder can be
Deranged serial raping "
THIS IS AN AMAZING PIECE! I FUCKIN LOVE IT, Just.....wow, you mix many thing i enjoy, "Death metal, dark imagery, emotion, and cutting the victims throat as a means of murder. Kudos all the way around.
THREE CLAPPY MEN!
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I'm glad you enjoyed it! thats why I was waiting for more then one poem to be accepted
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hiddenspaces noted the same things I did critique-wise. It's pretty good overall, some good phrases but nothing that really stood out for me.
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nice write.there were saome phrsases i realy liked, buti can't decide which i liked the best.but a little bit of critique(SP?).lol.
put a space inbetween sensation and murder.
and in the second to thew last sentance liking should be licking.i think thats what you meant.right?good job on this poem/good luck in the contest.
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Yea I was sure that there would be a lot of mistakes. I wrote it earlier today at like two so I was sleepy asnd just typed it in and went to bed! haha thanks for telling me though. I would have forgotten to even fix it.
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oh well there will always be some kind of little mistake,but i was juts trying to be helpful.lol.o decided what line i liked best
"Thicker and darker, making me hot
Oh what a sensation murder can be"
im gonna have to go with that
but i saw something else you might want to think about.
"Licking the remanding blood off my wrist"
remanding...i dont even know if thats a word but you might want to change it to remainder.the double -ing words right after the other takes away from the poem a little bit (in my own point of view).try reading that line outloud before and after you think about changing it.
well just some food for thought.keep on writing.
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Yes I knew that line was messed up!!! thasnks! i went to fix it and did a spellcheck and thats the only option it gave me, so I was like umm okay! lol
I'm glad you like that line the most cause honestly I do too
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this is awesome and i am glad you liked my poem. I think you did a wonderful job with such great description and details. I will have to check out more of your work.
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