I'm sitting in my window
Lazy legs swinging slowly,
The sun gives me a hug and I laugh a little.
Bike rides are steady
We're "..not necessarily stoned, but...Beautiful."
She shows off with her pretty back and tanned face,
I'm glad we're friends, and so are the boys.
The Boys.
They show off, too, they want our attention.
Of course we give it to them, but we're not impressed.
By midnight the fun's only half-started.
"I'm staying at Jenny's house!"
And we're off in Josh's car.
We'll be back by morning, a little hung over.
But it doesn't matter,
because everyone's in love
with Summer.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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we all love the summer, and the days you spend with your friends. Somehow everything is more fun and full of harmony at summertime! Love it!
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I liked the ending. The rest of it was a good story, yet somehow lacking. I think the words like "hung over" and "stoned" detract from the poetry of the piece. Try to explain poetically what being hung over and stoned is like, in as few words as possible. I did like when you said not necessarily stoned but beautiful. That was good.
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Nice. I like the way you have presented summer in this work. It is quite descriptive. I'm glad you controlled the length of the work although I believe you could be able to say a lot more than this. But I am quite impressed how you chose the highlights carefully.
Regarding summer, well, mine's just ending and it's the rainy days again! Yes, I like these days but I also love summer, too.
Keep writing!
- Nick (",)
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