Like a fortress on a hill she built walls to guard her heart.
She’d been hurt so many times she was careful from the start.
Not to let men in; to see the treasures she hid inside.
She’d lost herself that long ago day and her soul died.
But the human soul does not die, it only lays asleep.
Waiting for another chance, another heart to keep.
On the surface she seemed hard putting on a brave smile.
But like an egg’s shell, the hard part is oft the most fragile.
Her walls she had built on anger, on fear and on hate.
Mad at herself, scared of others; this seemed to be her fate.
To these walls there came a man, not deterred by their might.
He wanted to find the heart she kept hidden out of sight.
He climbed the wall of anger and then gazed upon the ground,
And just sat there amazed at the beauty he had found.
Once inside her walls this daring man sought out her soul,
Wanting just to hold her, to make it once again whole.
But past fears still haunted the woman, driving him away.
And yet this shining knight persisted, waiting for his day.
He knew her heart would heal, her fears would slowly fade,
And when it did he would tear down these walls she’d made.
As the days came and passed, the walls seemed not so high.
He scaled them more easily, soon he needed not to try.
The walls of hate were the first to crumble to the ground.
Her walls of fear fell next, vanishing without a sound.
Then all that stood tall, was just one wall, of anger it was made.
And he knew, he needed to break the foundation that was laid.
At last the walls were gone, and her heart exposed to shine
And lo, this man was me, and I had made her mine.
Mine to hold, mine to cherish, mine to bring her laughter.
Her walls no longer needed, I was there to protect her.
Author notes
As with all my poetry, I appreciate constructive feedback so that I can improve as a writer. Please give it to me straight, I'm a big boy, I can take it.
A contest entry
- Straight from the heart. by yellowrose190.
400 points, ended June 2, 2007, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter All Your Love Writes Here! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended March 8, 2008, 306 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love poems (pre-written poems allowed) by Kira65.
900 points, ended July 13, 78 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Guard Your Heart by katie marie.
1200 points, ended October 8, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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So glad you entered Rory. I had not seen any of your poetry previously. I enjoyed your writing very much.
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A truly wonderful write with perfect rhyme. There were a few spots that I felt comma's could be added to assist the read, but over all it flowed well. L8 I would suggest perhaps replacing 'hard part' with surface or outside, just my opinion, of course. Love the whole story of breaking down those walls.
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The rhyming was fantastic. A wonderful thing to write about as well. Great job!
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It is a really great poem, i loved the emotion that was in every line and a great flow that it had. Thank you for entering and good luck.
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i really loved your poem! i was a little leary when i first saw it because i usually don't like long poems, but it sucked me in. great job! you seem like a really sweet guy to wait for her
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This poem is brilliant, honestly. You wrote it in a fairy tale sort of way. The rhyming gave such an easier read... I was blown away by this piece. The best part about this, I feel, is the way you wrote in third person (almost like the girl writing about herself; that's what I thought at first) yet it came from the man's POV at the end. That is just awesome.
Thanks for entering your write in "Enter All Your Love Writes Here!", and good luck!
M a r l u x i a -
I thought this was ever so sweet, that you would wait and accept her for what she felt and who she truly was. Steven is kind of like that, but he's hurt too so we ease eachother. I've healed him, now it's his job healing me now. He says, 'you done all for me, don't hide it all to me' and he says he's here to protect me and yet, I'm so used of protecting myself, but it will fall oneday.
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A beautiful story with a happy ending. The first part of this is me and has been for too long. How I wish my knight would come and tear down those walls. Be there to watch over and protect me. A very rare standing with people of today.
So loving and emotionally moving. Simply amazing.
Congratulations on the Gold.
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This is beautiful..I had to click on this, my first poem I ever posted anywhere including here was titled the same and has the same meaning, yours is much more rich and splendid in emotions...well done...agree with My Lanie there..makes me sigh!
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This is the kind of poem that makes women sigh
and wish for that one man to come along and protect
her...Just a beautiful write, and so worthy of the
gold trophy. Love, Lane
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Perfect!
This is beautiful. This struck me as a modern day fairy tale, damsel in distress, noble knight, her enemies to battle, the inevitable rescue and hope for happily ever after. Heartfelt and touching expressions of thoughtfulness and love. Congratulations for your well deserved win.
Ashley
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You have portrayed me to a "T" wit this write...except for the ending, no man to keep me safe yet, but thats ok...I am grateful that I am just now tearing down my walls (Funny, thats the name of my very first poem here when i joined AP)...as i continue on my self discovery journey, I ty for this exceptional piece, well worth the gold trophy..i could so realte, i swear it s me....
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How totally romantic!!! This was a well crafted write and told a great story and the wonderful gifts that are gained through complete faith and perseverance!
Blessings,
Azlyn
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CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR GOLD TROPHY. Definitely a worthy one. An awesome poem, I love how the man loved the woman so much he persevered until she was his.
Hugs and love,
Petratani
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Platinum?
Well its gold so I suppose there is very little one could offer of advice. It would fall to the ground like so much forest fire ashes. I congratulate you on the gold and wish I could find some places that I could enter something recently that could just get a decent look. This piece has all the 'heart' of the things you care so much about. It is spelled out in a way that is gentle to the reader and easy to absorb. Good poetry is not rocket science. Rocket science is not good poetry. Good poetry simply stands up and spills the thought into the goblet of the reader and when they taste it, they know whether it is drinkable or not. You already answered that question here. RC
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I think this was a very good poem with such details. It shows that you love to write for it flows from your heart and soul. Keep penning
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This almost made me cry, that's like movie love...that's so perfect, lucky you that you got through to her. Good rhyming.
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This was a wonderful poem. The rhyming was well done. The only thing I think I would have left out is some of the commas. Overall an excellent story. Simply stated, I love it. Good luck in the contest.
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Good
Once, I too was an expert at building walls.... Building a fortress to protect my bruised and broken heart. But nothing can stand against the power of true love. Once it laid seige, the end was assured...those walls came atumbling down. Good stuff.
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This was a beautiful peom, the rhyming was excellent and the story you told was so sweet and heart felt. I loved it. Well done.
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Excellent
Quite a creative extended metaphor you have fashioned here that could very well become a classic fable with a little more objectivity and the creation of a universal character. Having said that, however, this was a wonderful poem and a pleasure to read. Best of luck in the contest.
David Michaels
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A love story filled with a number of emotions, all carefully nurtured and released to allow the past to fade and future...to enter with a smile
I really enjoyed this write, it hit very close to home for me. Excellent work! Good luck in the ocntest and as always you are such a pleasure to read! ~Tia
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Good write
I loved the flow in this piece as well as the rhyme scheme and your choice of words.
My criticism was your seemingly overzealous use of commas etc where they are not required, i.e.
"And he knew, he needed to, break the foundation that was laid. "
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OOooo i forgot to say...thanks for submitting to my contest....and good luck!!!
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First of all I loved your poem. Its one my favorite poems on this site! But since you don't want just a "it was beautiful comment" (reading from your authors note) I'll try to find some fault
the part that reads like this:
Then all that stood tall, was just one wall, of anger it was made.
And he knew, he needed to, break the foundation that was laid.
At last the walls were gone, and her heart was left to shine
And lo, this man was me, and I had made her mine.
I personally didn't like how you mention the wall and how he knows it needs to be broke down...and then poof its gone. I guess what I'm saying that part kinda leaves you hanging. It sounds like its a big wall of anger but there was no process in breaking it down.
besides that all I can say is the rhyming was a little common, simple. Like for example:
high, try...
ground, sound...
Sometimes it sounds better if you can use more unique words at the end, however this poem still sounded great with the rhyme you had with it. I tend to have a lot of common rhyming in my poetry also.
One last thing. I'm no great poet so this is only my personal thoughts on your poem...I don't know much about poems since I tend to write straight from my heart and not from the classroom.
Overall I loved your poem!!!!
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