i left my heart at the train at the station
she stood there a goddess
statuesque high cheek bones
deep soulfull eyes
lucious lips
our eyes met we drew close
her perfume over whelmed me
we took a breath we kissed
long our kiss deep
there was the horrible man
the train came she was heading uptown, i down
Author notes
love in NYC subway.
A contest entry
- Prompt!! by Naridill.
300 points, ended June 2, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Interesting, not in my mind. But definately still a lovely piece with a nice flow. You penned this well.
Much luck.
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wow, this is really creative. You are a true poet. I would point out my favorite part, but it would take away from the fact that every last word, phrase, and line was thought out perfectly. This is definitely a contest winner!
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Just like an old time movie! Very lovely and so nice to visualize. Best of luck!!!
Love,
Az
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This is a good write..starts on the positive note. Love blooming..thinkine one is leaving on a trip. Then the end swirls in and leaves you in bewilderment for the ending is unexpected. Nicely done..best of luck to you in the contest.
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I like this very much, but the swift deprivation at the end is sad. Aside, this is still a lovely piece.
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