She's a product no one can turn down,
perfect eyes, swollen lips
certainly, no man can resist.
her face has a perfect complexion,
and those mysterious green eyes,
who wouldn't want to buy her a drink?
But something [deadly] lies in her
long gone heart.
she's missing...( empty )
nothing but a p.e.r.f.e.c.t. barbie doll.
shes a !sleepless! woman
never viewable without her beauty mask on.
lives restless days on subways,
weeping nights behind closed doors,
&& taking bottle by bottle to soothe the pain away.
you're nothing but a piece of shit. you whore...
broken glass / bottles
left by her lush {lips}
chips s.tuck. within her scars
surrounding her own pool of :red:,
she licks the liquor
off the floor.
"Ask me, please ask me...
who are you, really?
we will chat forever
with burnt [coffee tongues]
trying to save me from the end."
Glittered cheeks and s/t/r/i/p/p/e/d arms
eyelashes curled to the t I P.
yours to be truly, dollface.
Author notes
giving up on me" option 12
A contest entry
- [ITSY] b i t s y -spider- ..rrran.. o\u\t of webs {sometime..} by LucyLightning.
600 points, ended June 2, 2007, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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broken glass / bottles
left by her lush {lips}
chips s.tuck. within her scars
surrounding her own pool of :red:,
she licks the liquor
off the floor.
i love that stanza...it creates a lot of really nice imagery and the rest of the piece did a great job with that too...i could picture it my head really well...and i really like that in a piece...thanks for entering and good luck
xXsewn2getherXx -
a look into another kind of life
I could relate to some parts of this poem, but for most part, it was a glimpse into a world completely foreign to me. I really loved some of your word choices and the way you constructed your lines. Though I thought the use of extra puncuation to accent the words was a little overdone. Maybe that just isn't my style, but I thought it actually took away from the poem in some places.
I do like your message here, as well as your tone. You also had a great rhythm and flow to this piece. Well done.
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This contest is anonymous, so I may be wrong, but I'm pretty sure you edited a previous piece you had entered?
I do like the changes you made. Much more emotion and meaning behind this one. Definitely shows that "beauty is only skin deep". The flow and imagery are excellent.
I do wish you the best of luck in the other contest, because even though I did recommend those changes, it's now too long for this contest... my apologies. Still, I do think this is a great piece for a different purpose and I will give you my applause.
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yeah i made changes. and sry for the length! thanks
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No problem. You don't need to apologize for the length, it really added a lot to the piece, just wasn't what I was looking for.
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good one, bbydoll!! Great job with this! Good luck!!
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I really like this a lot. The flow is wonderful.
shes a !sleepless! woman
never viewable without her beauty mask on.
lives restless days on subways,
weeping nights behind closed doors,
&& taking bottle by bottle to soothe the pain away.
This is so sad but so many people do live like this. I adore this piece.
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