Growing cold with-out a doubt
of being hung by loneliness.
My wife that died with nothing to care,
just sadn'd my hands of holding back that
mess, of flying by in a world of
falling sky's.
She did not whisper her spirit in beauty,
nor shout out words wet by tears,
tearing down her cheeks sadly.
My soft heart was strikin in a way I can't
feel to succeed, when I found her Death
revealed.
My heart was prikin'd when I knew what was
then derailed.
with her picture now in my hands, naked body
of what used to be, I cry
with the knowledge of me now laying to die
with wounds in my wrists...
And hanging by the ropes of loneliness.
Author notes
This poem is completely fiction!
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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"She did not whisper her spirit in beauty,
nor shout out words wet by tears,"
I really like those lines. Sad, but so poetic. Also the last line is just epic. It really makes such a sad and strong closure. Very well written! -
this is good
sad and with longing
but very good
i live it
well done
<3 lost -
This was good.
yes a bit dark.
but thats what makes it great.
Nice Job.
:]
|aiko|
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firstly...waht does prikin'd actally mean?? thats not a dig at you, i have the vocab skills of a shrub, im just trying to learn...
next: structure. i think parts of this are a little messy in terms of where the lines are split. places it works well but parts (just sadn'd my hands of holding back that//mess, of flying by in a world of//
falling sky's.) are jsut a bit odd the way they look and sound. i fthink you got into it though as it went on cause the form got so much better later
love the last line, its simple and that makes it powerful. good job
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i can't gleam a theme from this poem, but you definitely chose your words well. i really like that you don't use ordinary boring words and that really spices it up, and i'm impressed that you could write something that dark and painful when it's really fiction. what are you trying to say exactly?
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awesome, such a lonely and dark yet great poem! woo!
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Too dark for my taste but I can see where you are coming from,cause I have been there myself.
Expressing your heart helps so keep writing.
~Deena
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Awesome
Good creative use of language and fraught with emotion. Plus it tells a story. I'm lovin it!
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This is beautiful I love this
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