A soft and low “I need you”
A soft whisper of my name
The melody of her laughter
These are the echoes and the rhythm of love
The music my heart keeps a beat to
A song I never grow tired of
A contest entry
- ANYTHING by a means to an end.
600 points, ended July 10, 2007, 65 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Oh. This is a nice little poem that you have going on in here.
It is very short and to the point but I think that you use just the right thoughts and images that I have a real good idea of the situation and the feelings that are going on in this. I always did like that expression of music of the heart. It's such a pretty way of expressing happiness, isn't it? 
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A nice piece with lots of emotion. The rhythm of love to me is more primal and I would have liked to see it here. Sincerity and simple flow always works though. This piece needs fire though and I do not mean erotic passion. I liked the last line - it effectively keeps it all together and finishes off this piece in style.
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short but sweet!!
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Very sweet indeed, but besides the feeling is so pure, understated and suttle that it's effect is wonderfully immense. Its touching as well. The words you've used are precise and neccessary. Very well done.Thanks for providing a good read in quiet a while.
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i liked the lay out of this poem
nice words too
sweet -
A good, simplistic poem. You begin with two lines beginning with "A soft", but then you repeat nothing else through the poem (except for "a song," which is similar, but not quite,) and that makes the repetition seem lazy rather than lyrical. "The music my heart keeps a beat to" is awkward. Were you trying to rhym with "I need you"? With a poem like "Rhythm of Love" I was expecting a more regular, almost primal rhythm with it.
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Great Stuff
Really thought it was great how you put "a soft whisper of my name," right after ""I need you"" so that every man who reads it could personalize it with his woman, and "melody of her laughter" reinforced that perfectly! I'm not tired of it either, and hope I never do get tired of it, even if I get all wrinkled up and gross looking; which I don't intend to do ¦:¬{
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double spacing bothered me a bit
"wisper of my name", but then "melody of her laughter". You're switching from you & me to her, and the pronoun shift bothered me some.
'keeps a beat' -> 'keeps beat'?
'grow tired of' -> I have to be an english teracher, but its bad to end a sentence with a preposition (of). Maybe "I'll never grow tired of this song"? -
Well Done!!!
Very Sensual Indeed!!! Sweet and sensual, yet very deep!!!
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this is sweet. i like this.
i love how much you expressed in so few words. -
'Rhythm Of Love'...
short but oh so sweetly done....
thanks for the read and the sharing with me as well as your friends...as always... -
This is very sensual.
Like it has a deeper meaning.
It's a very sweet poem as well.. you're really telling the story of how this guy loves his girl.
I really like it.
Good show!
xx. -
Wow, how sweet. I love the repetition of soft in the poem, it really sets the tone for how the poem should be read. almost like a slight whisper. I ecspecially enjoy the hint of sound in the background when it talks about her laughter. You visualize that and it really brings it all to a climax. very well done.
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NEVER
I will never grow tired of the memoriesof him on top of me and teh beat and rythm of the love I felt with my prince
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wow amazing. it always makes things better when you hear those words "I need you" makes all of it worth the pain and loss u previously have gone thru (if you have). this was intence. seductive and sexy. arouse the mind andintrigues the body. great write
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Oh, nice. Soft and seductive this is, very well done, I really liked the last line, "A song I never grow tired of"...Well done
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Very good writing. You did a good job. The words flowed nicely.
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