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Heartbeat in the night

I sit on the edge of the bed,
fond memories dance in my head
as I watch the peace on your face
while you are safely tucked into dreams.
My mind drifts off to the times we shared;
here in this bed together, you and I.
I lean in and gently place a kiss on  your forehead,

breathing in the scent of your hair,
whispering in your ear,

    "Joyeux anniversaire, mon chéri."

    [Happy birthday, my darling.]

You stir, not aware that I am there.

The smile on your face so beautiful,

so serene, as to rival the Mona Lisa.

I caress your cheek, and your eyes flutter open.

Your words echo in the still of the nght.

    "Le bébé, que faites-vous ici, je rêve ?"

    [Baby, what are you doing here, am I dreaming?]

I smile, and I nod.

I see your smile, echoing mine,

then your eyes drift back to dream.

My smile fades,

A look of sorrow crosses my face.

You should not face the darkness I live in.

The eternal black of night, 

without life or love.

Without compassion or joy.

A simple grain of sand refusing 

to pass through the hourglass,

frozen in time.

From where I sit, I can feel your life.  

I can feel your heartbeat, pulsing away in the night.

Mine own heart shall beat no more,

and hasn't felt this feeling for centuries.

A single scarlet tear escapes my eye,

as I realize that the two of us;

although meant to be, cannot be.

I whisper one last time to you, before I go.

    Mon bien-aimé, vous êtes mon pulsation dans la nuit,

    et je ne vous oublierai jamais, je ne vous partirai jamais.

    Joyeux anniversaire."

    [My beloved, you are my heartbeat in the night,

    and I shall never forget you, I shall never leave you.

    Happy Birthday.]

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Comments

1 - 42 of 42

  • TheDemonEve
    May 9, 2008

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    The love between a vampyre and a mortal is tragic, heart-wrenching, and beautiful, and you capture every nuance of emotion with perfection, if that is indeed what you were writing about. The use of more than one language, (and of course with the other being French) leaves a wonderful taste in the reader's mouth. Tangible and brilliant.

    Best of luck and thanks for entering!


  • Rinoasis
    April 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Aww.. this is so sweet, sorrowful and I could really feel her serenity and the vampire's struggle.
    I liked the french parts, they were quite interesting, haha.
    Although I think "crimson tear" is a bit cliché. So many people use "crimson".. perhaps change it to something less common like ruby/scarlett or something?
    Oh, I see you also used that pic. Very nice.

    Blessed Be,

    ~Evolet


    • Lord Merlynn
      April 27, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I took your advice, after reading it over, and changed crimson to scarlet. Thanks for noticing that, and pointing that out to me.


  • Angel of Diamonds
    July 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    well done this is really good i like the use of another language, well done, and good luck in my contest!

  • unraveled
    July 11, 2007

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    very sweet, nicely written... i was expecting him to stab her or something because of the picture, lol. my favorite part is the bit about the grain of sand and the hourglass. i don't speak french but it gives the piece a nice touch. i agree that this piece does fit with the contest and thank you for entering.
    <3cassidy


  • Avalanche.Echo
    July 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    It really made me think. I loved the way you incorporated the French, too. 8/10.

  • Aurora Ceres
    July 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Another one I enjoyed. Very creative. 8/10

    Bella


  • Foxydaze14
    July 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Great peice, I love the rhythm, it's excellent. I give this overall an 8 out of 10


  • Frodofan silver member
    July 7, 2007
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    7 out of 10


  • whispersoftly
    June 19, 2007

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    beautiful and passionate

    this is a beautifully written piece and the use of the french adds multitudes to your write. However, there is one line i think needs your attention....

    **I look of sorrow crosses my face.** should this not read *A look of sorrow crosses my face ?*

    beautiful and chilling, well done and good luck in the contest xx c


  • rainyday woman silver member
    June 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Thank You

    Again thank you for entering this contest, I agree that this is a wonderfully beautiful poem, and would have had an extremely good chance of placeing in the top, however you did not follow all that was requested in the contest, since you did not tie a fresh write to it in your authors notes. Again thank you.

    Cheryl


  • Naridill gold member
    June 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Ey, you cheater I already commented on this.. Lol. Not sad enough though But still pretty freaking sad.


  • Xsafety glassX
    June 11, 2007

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    omg AWESOME!!! if the dudes a vampire, couldnt he just bite her and then theyd be together forever??

    finalists to u...thanx for entering


  • a means to an end
    June 8, 2007

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    awwwwwwww that is sooo sad. is this about a vampire? well i liked it alot. its romantic yet tragic at the same time. i think that this was a less bloody version of Van Helsing in a way but the girl is who dies. this was interesting and not to long or to short. great write


  • NickelleteXninja
    June 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Je adore francais

    Very well done with using french in it.
    since i am taking french I was glad to see the mixture of it in your poem

    brilliance thats what it is...

    thanks for entering


  • Serene Rose
    June 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is so beautiful and so awe inspiring.It touched me. You are an amazing poet and I look forward to reading more by you.

  • TheDemonEve
    June 1, 2007
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    Your metaphor and imagery here is vivid, superb, and absolutely breath-taking. The sorrow that this inspires in my heart is pure and exquisite. Well done!


  • dream5111
    June 1, 2007

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    "while you are safely tucked into dreams.
    My mind drifts off to the times we shared;
    here in this bed together, you and I.
    I lean in and gently place a kiss on your forehead," is my favorite part good luck


  • The Journey Begins
    June 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    i'm sure Queen Lane will love this

    so sad...like a teardrop on the ocean these words are but a part of the dark master that is Lord Merlynn...throughly enjoyed it, but i wish i hadn't read it...you speak as this has actually happened to you, in some form or another, if so: fear not, you aren't alone in the shadows...pain exists if not for the enjoyment of release

    blessed be




  • Bourne Darkness
    June 1, 2007
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    holy....wow....

    this is one of the best poems...no it's a masterpeice.....that ive ever read....i love it!!!


  • sinisterkitten
    June 1, 2007
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    WOW! i really love this poem. you definently have talent!


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    May 31, 2007

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    this is an amazing poem and i just wanna ask where do you come up with this stuff, i love it, keep it flowing and good luck in the contests


  • Dalaney gold member
    May 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Everything about this poem speaks to me. I love it with all my heart. Thank you...my Monstre Love, Lane


  • Sesheta
    May 31, 2007

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    That was lovely, once again. Why am I not surprised? I also adore your use of French. Everything else was glorious as well, I don't care to sound repetitive, so...yay imagery.

  • Liquid memories
    May 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    oui

    bon-soir:
    vive la, mon merci a vous, plus merci,Jules.
    C`est unebelle jour
    au revoir pour maintenant, mon cheri am

    • Liquid memories
      May 31, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      merci

      a`bras ou verts, Dieu vous garde, en ami.
      en-fin, gar dez la foi, tout a` vous, oui.
      Bonjour moi ami! Jules.

      • Lord Merlynn
        May 31, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        Merci, mon ami. Pouvons-nous converser dans l'anglais s'il vous plaît ? mon français n'est pas très bon, et c'est dur pour moi. Mais c'est la bonne conversation à vous. Vous pouvez m'ajouter comme un préféré, si vous aimeriez.

    • Lord Merlynn
      May 31, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Merci encore pour les commentaires. Je l'aime vraiment que quelqu'un apprécie l'effort que je mets dans ceux-ci.

  • WintersDarkCherub
    May 31, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Loved the french in it. Im on my thrid and probably my final year in French


  • PerVirtuous
    May 31, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful. Thanks for entering. Best of luck.


  • WanderingCyclone
    May 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    It's so sad. Is this man a Vampire? Sounds much like one A romantic enticing one, with humanity thrown into it. I like this. Hope you win the contest..


  • zhaniswolf
    May 31, 2007

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    wow. really nice poem. it's so sad that vampires give up everything to be immortal, but they do not realize the pain living will be for them. i like the heartbeat in the night part. great poem.


  • JoyfulWriter
    May 31, 2007

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    This is so exquisite! Loved the beauty written here...gives a wet sigh into the soul of many I am sure...good luck in this contest...smiles, Terry


  • Aurielle
    May 31, 2007

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    SPLENDID PERFECT WRITE!!!


    lovethe hole mood of classic romance. You made me more intesterested to read this. Sincerly i say this is pefect.

  • Liquid memories
    May 31, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    oui, au fait

    Bonjour moi ami,sans doute, d`ac-cord.
    vo-lup-te`(pleasureable)merci beaucoup!!

    • Lord Merlynn
      May 31, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Merci pour le commentaire, je suis content que vous l'avez aimé. C'était un plaisir pour écrire ceci.

  • Donkaidi
    May 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a loving write and once again it shows your talent coming through. The image your words paint lets all see what you were seeing as you wrote the poem. I congradulate you on a well word piece here.

    *smiles* good luck.


  • Sai Babas Lotus
    May 31, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    WOW! A most touching and extremely beautiful poem on love you have here. I like every little bit of it. Your French is marvellous! The poem flows like a charm. Very powerful imagery. I love the romance in this! Whoever you wrote this for is a VERY LUCKY lady! I hope the universe will bring you both together, forever!

    Charishma

  • Sai Babas Lotus
    May 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    WOW! A most touching and extremely beautiful poem on love you have here. I like every little bit of it. Your French is marvellous! The poem flows like a charm. Very powerful imagery. I love the romance in this! Whoever you wrote this for is a VERY LUCKY lady! I hope the universe will bring you both together, forever!

    Charishma


  • The Cube
    May 31, 2007

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    wow, incredible write my friend. The imagery was extensive beyond comprehension. Beautifully tragic, I loved it.

  • Naridill gold member
    May 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Nawr, beautiful sadness. Flowed through such imagery. A very wonderful tribute and loving poem.
    Just one querie..
    "You should not face the darkness I live in.
    An eternal darkness"
    I feel one of the darkness should be changed, just because it seems akward ready it twice so close together.
    But either way, the poem was awesome and I feel the seperate lanuage added alot to the piece.


  • queens1
    May 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Heartbreaking

    When she woke up and thought she was dreaming, I realized that the watcher was dead and that they would never be together again. The single crimson tear revealed why. Two lovers separated by time and circumstance.
    Patty

1 - 42 of 42