I know, it is the final fight,
Last words from me,
Last day and night.
I know that everything around,
All lives of men
Will be in ground.
It is no use to cry or keen.
Just, please, keep silent.
I can't hear your scream...
My heart in pain,
But I'm not scared,
Just nerves are strain...
I want to hug and kiss you. Sware...
Oh God!
Life is not fair!
I know it is my destiny,
And I should fight
For you and me.
No one can find another side.
It's not my choice, not my decision.
Warriors...They have to fight!
My eyes are full of bitter tears
And these sad words,
Torment my ears.
You will be free from pain and horror
Dear,
Don't keep the sorrow.
Remember me, with smile and laugh!
We can lose life,
But never love!
And I'm with you till the most end.
Forever yours,
Your man and friend...
Author notes
Love never die...
Written August 4th, 2003
A contest entry
- Heart Broken by SensualWhispers.
425 points, ended March 6, 2007, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Final Stand by DeadofKnight.
525 points, ended July 14, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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A man going to an unwinnable battle? Knowing he is to die but also knowing how much pain he is leaving behind. A different outlook to what I have seen so far. Very nice job. Good luck in the contest
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Very nice..
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Excellently put. Last time to write a letter to the one you love. I love the rhyme and flow of your poem. Well done. Thanks for sharing and adding this to the contest. The best of luck to you. Kassie
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Thank you all!!
Thank YOU ALL!! For Your comments on my poem, i really appreciate this.
Special thanks to Naena and Your comments, view! Yes, in truth, i try something new all the time. I'm aware of many styles and written forms, - so this one was sort of a "try". I usually write poems, when i have mood, feelings - i believe, that only in this case the poem will be able to transfer all the emotion and its deepest sense.
I really enjoyed Your comments and thats a bit long time i'm not posting anything out here, due to my shifts and work. But, still i hope to take one more breath in and share my stuff with everyone in here!
Thank You once again, everyone!!!
~G.J~ -
You certainly poured a lot of emotion into this write and you conveyed it clearly to your readers. (As I'm sure the comments above have already let you know. I see above that you invited a critical view, so here it is: (disclaimer These words are meant to help not harm. Please take from them what you will and leave what you won't)
I think myself and many others can relate to this easily. I feel that you have a keen ability to express your emotion. However, I feel there were areas of this poem that faltered. You started off pretty strong and then somewhere near the middle it swayed off the path a bit. The stanzas lost their balance. They still had something to say...but they just weren't saying it as smoothly as the prior stanzas. I would try to even those stanzas up a bit to maintain a steady flow throughout the poem. When you maintain a near-consistent syllable count for your lines up to a point...it causes the reader to stumble when those lines are abruptly shortened. Now, there is the chance that this is written in a particular form (that I'm unfamiliar with) that requires shorter lines. If this is the case, please disregard the above comments.
Overall, I think you have talent. I enjoyed reading this and look forward to reading more of your work...and those you will produce as you progress. Thanks for sharing! Elaina
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1000 cheers!
This is beautiful so sad..so haunting
I got such painful mental images while reading this poem..
then a feeling of power..
a most lovely poem..indeed! -
this piece feels like it was writen with all of your heart. it's such a sweet piece. i like it a lot. good work.
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this piece feels like it was writen with all of your heart. it's such a sweet piece. i like it a lot. good work.
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this piece feels like it was writen with all of your heart. it's such a sweet piece. i like it a lot. good work.
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this piece feels like it was writen with all of your heart. it's such a sweet piece. i like it a lot. good work.
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pffffft every1 comments on ur poems SOMEONE GET THEIR ARSE OVER AND LOOK AT MINE!!!
anyways, rant over with, i love this poem. very deep, very emotional, well thought out.
Loved this bit:
"I want to hug and kiss you. Sware...
Oh God!
Life is not fair!"
deffo relate to it.
Love ya n leave ya.
sheree xxxx -
This is so deep and sad! I just about cried!!
My favorite part was-
'It is no use to cry or keen.
Just, please, keep silent.
I can't hear your scream...'
I don't know why..that part just really spoke to me!
Great Imagery too!
Stay strong and pen on!
twizted bizkit -
whoa this was neat. it was very different (as far as style goes) from the other poems that i've read on here.
very good job, especially the lines
"I know it is my destiny,
And I should fight
For you and me."
very moving indeed... great job.
love,
j33j
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What an extremely beautiful and deep write. The flow was very good throughout the entire piece... and the title really caught my eye, because I just deleted the last letter my ex ever wrote me... I figured it was time to move on. What an absolutly lovely write. Keep it up!
*Kate*
P.S.
Thank you so much for the comment on my poem "Instead." It was greatly apprieciated.
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Extremely beautiful.. You have a talent for writing.. such feeling in your words.. thank you for sharing..
Carin~~..
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This poem is truly, deep with feelings of horror (of losing the one you love), hope (that you can fight to keep your relationship from falling), and sheer depression (and how I know that feeling a little too well!) I see myself through your words...it's amazing how everything I read of yours seems to mirror some of my same thoughts. I respect you for that...very few can do such a thing. Most people either confuse me, or just don't enrapture me (although some have pieces that really stand out). But you have a way of connecting with me on any level... and in my mind, you are just a brilliant genius who deserves more attention. So... I am definitely going to add you to my favorites! Take care... I will visit you again soon!
Many blessings,
Raven Aurora
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Fabulous
this was amazing! i love the flow of the poem and the style! great job! thanks for sharing! -
Thank you for your kind comment on my poems--
I really liked this one--I could feel the emotions-Smile
~Emma
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Wonderful
Thanks for your comments on my stuff. I like this poem it's really good. You're a great writer.
~Nica -
First off.. thank you for commenting on my poem. I rather liked this poem. You did an excelent job on this. Something about it kind of drew me towards it, like pulled me in more. Terrific job. I really liked it. Keep writing. You do it very nicely!!
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Woooow..Deeeep shit here.
"It is no use to cry or keen.
Just, please, keep silent.
I can't hear your scream..."
That was really powerful to me for some reason. I don't know what it was but I was just like "damn."
I don't see any errors or anything at all in here. EEverything flowed well, the rhyming was excellent. Not too evident..Just subtle enough to be just right. Awesoem job.
~Tom -
nice poem.
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