atop a dam
a busy beaver
sleeps
#2
atop a dam
a bushed beaver
sleeps
In a list
A contest entry
- Back to Basics Haiku by azure85.
790 points, ended June 6, 2007, 53 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Very well done.. I am still trying to master form poetry.
I basically am a free form since my thoughts just flow..
Congratulations on the Silver.
Soulful Woman
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Very nicely done on grabbing the shiny here...Scott
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hmm. that lucky beaver. lol. sleeping and sleeping otop of a damn.lol
though its kinda strange coz you have put
"atop a dam
a busy beaver
sleeps"
im guessing that its a beaver who is really busy sleeping? hehehe
congrats on the Silver trophy!!!!!!!
Claire-Anne -
Bushed beaver. LOL. Sorry, that just sounds so gorgeous! Great entry, obviously since it placed you with a silver trophy
Congratulations.
Bandaid. -
what if the dam opens up?? poor beaver..
but it'll be like a water park for it. it probably needed to chill out after all that workload.
cute 'ku! congrats on the silver!
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I like your revision alot:
atop a dam
a bushed beaver
sleeps
It looks great! We know that beaver is tired from a hard's day work! Good job! -
Thank you for entering our workshop.
atop a dam
a busy beaver
sleeps
I really like this haiku, but I didn't even notice the busy beaver part until I read Susie's comments. it is a valid point. If you could find another word rather than busy, it owuld make it a better haiku. Maybe you could try bushed or tired. -
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edited
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Welcome to Back to Basics!
An interesting haiku:
atop a dam
a busy beaver
sleeps
I like this, my only question is-if the beaver is busy, how come he is asleep? Maybe another word could be used for that. See what Polly says when he comes by. Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest.
Susie -
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edited
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Even a beaver needs a nap
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lol, isn't that the truth
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