Wandering, exiled from my mind,
I stray towards no particular place.
No destiny for me to entwine,
Failing myself with such grace.
In search of a shell to occupy,
An attempt to seem content.
With each step my insides cry,
As I squeeze into another shell, without my consent.
I must sink my roots,
Delve into the rich earth.
Extend my branches and bear my fruits,
I must live knowing what I'm worth.
Like the hermit, I change my shell
Aquiring a better home here and there
Running away from a self-operated hell
All the while telling myself, I must belong... Somewhere.
A contest entry
- Love is just around the corner ? by The Hardest Goodbye.
300 points, ended June 20, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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great poem, But this isn't about love and heart-break is it ??? maybe u should re-read my rules again. good luck though
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Joshy I like it. But your third stanza doesn't seem to go with the rest. When I first read it I thought of a crab or a hermit. But the third stanza makes me think of a tree. I think it interrupts the flow. But all in all good write.
"In search of a shell to occupy,
An attempt to seem content.
With each step my insides cry,
As I squeeze into another shell, without my consent."
Those are my favorite lines. Although, I wasn't sure if "without my consent" was supposed to be a new line or not. Either way it's fine.
...actually reading it again I think you could do with out the "without my consent". It's really disrupts the nice flow of the rest of the lines. But that's just me.
Good write Joshy. Keep doing what you do!
♥
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Sadly lost in our own sanity of thoughts! This is remarkable Josh, your penning is becoming so advanced for the years you own!
I am bookmarking, as this is my all time favorite of yours to date!
WOW.. just outstanding my friend
Beautifully moving, with so much to ponder about!
Love it!
Linda
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=D Thanks! I didn't think I did that great of a job at first but seeing as I've gotten some wonderful comments I guess I change my mind. lol. I'm glad you like it enough to bookmark!
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line five reminded me of hermit crabs and then you mentioned them later and i smiled hehe.
the third stanza is extremely powerful and when pictured in my head: good gawd it was gorgeous.
Self-operated hell <
And the ending was in a perfect tone of voice. mmm tasty poem, Josh! me's hungry for more!!
Madison
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You're very good at writing Josh :] I love this poem, goodjob sweetheart.
<3
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