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Deflowered



The bees clamored
    slapping and stinging
                      one another,

  as you tried to fit too many


  into a lotus.




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Comments

1 - 14 of 14
  • Ankeeta silver member
    September 1, 2007

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    Witty hun. when I clicked on it I thought it would be another depressing piece. but thanks to share something completely different like this.

    keep going

    Ankita


  • jjbreunig3
    August 19, 2007

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    A clever piece...

    A clever piece; liked the succintness of this poem; the title is enticing and I was hesitant to take a peek; nicely done. --Joe

    PS One suggestion is to replace the word "you" with "they".


  • mesmer
    August 17, 2007

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    Liked a lot. The title is great.The violence of deflowering matches the violence of nature. Be it a hurricane or the stinging of bees. Pain and death for some.The subtlety of this piece is very moving. Great work here!OOOh, I love this poem
    Short and with a "sting"
    great little piece, my
    friend, and it left me
    with a smile...cleverOh, I like. Muchly. There is just something about short-shorts (poetry) that makes me happy. Even when it isn't happy poetry...I agree. Although this one does feel a bit backwards, still I like it.









    all of this and a lot more...!!!!


  • nike gold member
    August 17, 2007

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    Liked a lot. The title is great.The violence of deflowering matches the violence of nature. Be it a hurricane or the stinging of bees. Pain and death for some.


  • Amanda1
    August 17, 2007
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    The subtlety of this piece is very moving. Great work here!


  • Jalalbad gold member
    August 17, 2007
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    clever

    little poem.
    Smile,
    Judy


  • Dalaney gold member
    June 17, 2007

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    OOOh, I love this poem
    Short and with a "sting"
    great little piece, my
    friend, and it left me
    with a smile...clever.

    Lane


  • Annalise
    June 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, I like. Muchly. There is just something about short-shorts (poetry) that makes me happy. Even when it isn't happy poetry...


    • SurelyWritten
      June 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I agree. Although this one does feel a bit backwards, still I like it. Thanks Meli.


  • misselaineous
    May 31, 2007
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    lovely


  • tomisb
    May 30, 2007

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    Once again, we find that angels were never meant to dance on the head of a pin. Of course nature let her blossoms become the most important thing in a bees life. How the troubles wheel and spin when man tries make happen what will begin. Love Tom B.


  • Viva La Vie Boheme
    May 30, 2007

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    Wow, not often does one this short make such an impact... you did well here Shirl... I'm glad to read something of yours again, how're you doing?

    I'll let the clappy men show my appreciation!

    • SurelyWritten
      June 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply


      Hey Cheli, hows my sunshine doing? I miss you girl! How's Amy? Catch up with me sometime sweetheart. ily. <33

1 - 14 of 14