A bit of a rebel
I am and I be
With a heart built
With gold emotionally
Tight the rope that I walk
Tiger mouths on both sides
But I'm no fair maiden
I will never hide
The paths that I take
Lets me breathe time to time
And believe it or not
I have moments to unwind
I can't relinquish
To another state
That would be dying twice
And that I can't take
Sure sometimes I get wet
And dew falls on me too
But I have to be me
It's the best I can do
A contest entry
- Straight from the heart. by yellowrose190.
400 points, ended June 2, 2007, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - second chance by crystallynnbradford.
307 points, ended September 13, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tell me why by astralshepherd.
450 points, ended October 16, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - whatever II by leander.
575 points, ended November 16, 2007, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
There is a very strong and powerful message captured within these lines. Especially the last stanza speaks volumes for this, and the images of dew falling on you too is a nice touch of detail
A very nice touch in fact well written!
Thank you for entering this contest, I wish you the very best.
Leander -
There is so much going for this poem and yet it is lacking the strength it needs to carry it much further than its triteness; it’s been said before, but you do get credit for saying it very well. It stumbles a bit in flow but when read aloud; it has many excellent soundings that made me not want to throw this out. Your talent is considerable, and you are skilled – that is evident, it just missed for me emotionally, and in impact – another contest and this would do well. All in all, I would say it is a keeper, no rewrite necessary but work on your image and metaphor and my opinion is that your impact will exceed all expectations. Thank you so much for entering it into the contest, I appreciate your efforts.
1) Content 7
2) Originality 6.5
3) Flow 8
4) Word choice (vocabulary and/or rhyme) 8
5) Imagery 8.5
6) Grammar 7
7) Form9
8) Spelling 10
9) Emotional Impact 7.5
10) Rumination factor (how well does the poem make me ponder) 7.5
astralshepherd’s completely subjective total score = 79
-
-
Wow, thanks for your words, they have helped melol
-
-
oh wow a powerfu piece indeed. i would pick out a line or two i enjoyed but hell if i did i would have to copy and paste the whole thing, so i will leave it by saying this piece was awesome.
Tory
congrats on silver very deserving
-
-
Thanks Tory, wow, I am delighted with your response. lol
-
-
straight from the heart, i love it....the beauty of a poet expressing herself as she is and not hiding behind fakes smiles and unwanted affections....this is a really good piece and I like the point it makes.
-
-
Wow, thanks so much for this wonderful review and also for the HM. A thrill for my day, thanks again. lol
-
-
i can't relinqiush
to another state
that would be dying twice
and that i can't take...excellence here...overall a great write
-
-
Thank you
For the kind responses. I love it. lol
-
-
the best you can do is enough for all of us ..peter . thank you
-
-
Peter/Peter
You are so totally kind. Bless you. LOL
-
-
all we can ever be is ourselves, no matter the maskes we wear, we know who we are and can not be anything else - a good poem
-
-
Exactly
Thank you, and you are so right about it
-
-
I really like this poem. Its cute and i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
