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Bliss

She waits for her pain to be taken away from her
Like a dove in the wind, it pulls itself from her temple
And floats above her chest
No longer taunting her
Her little body finally at rest, she releases a sigh
Everyone she loves is around her
Smiling at her bliss
Expecting the agony to return
Her eyes squeeze shut
But nothing happens
And her dainty eyelashes part again
She is at peace
She knows where she is going
And as her vision clouds over
She feels her mother's hand slip into hers
She smiles, and walks into the light

Author notes

I hope this wasn't a sad poem.
I tried to make it seem like it was a happy poem.






Name: Rzrface {My other poem is entitled "The Cullens}

I chose this poem because I feel it is the best poem that I've written since I've joined allpoetry, although it has not won any trophies. I really liked how I made it seem like the little girl was truly happy, even though she was dying, and all she needed to BE happy were the people she loved.

A contest entry

Critisize me.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Hebz
    September 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Kool !!

    U really made it end happily, i like the transformation of her state in this one, very true, pure & innocent when her mum holds her hand, it shows alot...

    I like this one laot, so emotional & amazing

    Thnx for entering & Best of Luck

    GloriousGift
    Heba

  • Virgoan
    September 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I like the melancholy after effect in reading this poem. At a point, everyone feels the same in a lifetime. Well done fellow poet.

    Thanks so much for participating in my contest. I wish you all the best. I encourage you to keep on writing my friend.

    >>>VIRGOAN


  • kiwikrazi37
    August 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this poem is amazing! I love it for the same reason you do...it takes a sad and depressing subject and turns it around. I also love your word choices, they just fit perfectly. I'm glad you put it on the list, because it just inspires me so much. Keep entering it in contests, because I just know a gold is on the horizon!


  • Aurielle
    August 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    These metaphors have been thought up already been used resused...please follow the rules. I want a poem better then my own thanks...though


  • jaffa-forbes
    August 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Nice

    really like this one. It is sad, but a beautiful and happy sad. I'm not sure if that makes sense... anyway. Good luck.

    jaff


  • Epilogue
    August 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this was such a powerful poem i almost cried- which is not something i do very often. The simplicity and flow of the poem was refreshing and to see death portryed as a hopeful thing is amazing. Not in the sense were death is an escape from painful life but in the sense that death is a welcomed and joyous experience to be blissful in. Not many people think this way since their fear of death inhibits them. I also like the idea that it is a little girl since it makes the image so innocent and pure which presents a symbol in itself for death. Thank you so much for your entry.


  • forever dreaming
    June 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Despite the element of sadness within this poem I feel that there is some sense of better things to come for this person. There is not much wrong with the poem that I can find which is good for me as a reader. Well done on a powerful effort and thanks for taking part in my contest.


  • My Darkness
    June 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is sad.. kind of reminds me of the passing of my brother.. i think you've written something very emotional and powerful..well done and good luck in all the contests


  • Shakari
    June 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This piece is beautiful and shows that though death brings painful emotions, it doesn't have to bring physical anguish. I loved the details and the imagery...and this piece was full of sorrow, as well as happiness. After all, wouldn't it be full of sorrow if nobody was there for her as she died? You kept up a great flow, as well as brought some powerful imagery forth with some heavenly references. Well, keep up the great work, good luck in the contests, and thanks for sharing!


  • NickelleteXninja
    June 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I donmt think you should have tried to make it happy. Its a very beautiful poem and it is going to speak to people.
    Its well written and you should be proud


  • bleed-it-out
    June 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    there was a sense of peace but yet saddness is how i interpreted this i thought it was very good thank you and good luck


  • deathbyfrootloopsxx
    May 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very peaceful mood to this poem. Well written and light hearted. Don't know if it's quite as concise as I was looking for, though I did thoroughly enjoy it.


  • wonderbandalice
    May 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Oh..sorry, I forgot to put this in the notes, so here it is.

    Option #2 YAAAY

1 - 13 of 13