Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

My Babel

An ambition grew in Babylon.

   Its vision lay in the heavens.

But defiance was a felony.

 

      There were obstructions

and punishments.

God wasn't really in the mood

  to welcome humans

into his comfortable house.

 

So he threw a word here

       and a word there.

                                       One word here,

                                another there.

                                          Another here.

           He twisted their tongues. And squeezed them tightly.

                 One word fell here.

                                   Another fell right here.

                       One came here.

                               Different laws of grammar fell.

                                                 One more word.

                                       And another. 

                   He made lots of dictionaries. Many terminologies.

               Made one person's accent sound stupid to another.

                                     He carved out dialects

                    and sat comfortably...to watch babel crash.

                                          CRASH!

 

Today, I want to build a dream.

              I want to create my own city of Babylon-

be the architect of my destiny.

But God has showered humanity, and its conventions

     with its constant bickering

and criticism

      to crush my tower.

 

My Babel shall NOT collapse!

 Every pillar in this tower

    is a pillar of strength

built on the firm foundations

 of my faith in me.

               I will construct a Babylon

           from the debris of unexplored thoughts-

                from scraps of unspoken words.

Author notes

To every rebel out there. Dedicated to Howard Roark...the architect of our thinking.

The verse which talks about the words being thrown in is in the shape of a building...the tower of Babel.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 18 of 18
  • mushika
    October 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    first poem of yours i've read , need to read more, just slow at it. This intrigued me though


  • AshtrayBaby
    August 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I have to agree with FallinUpTheStairs.

    I immediately thought, "Oh no. Didn't I say I didn't want any 'I love God' poems?". But I was pleasantly surprised to see that your poem was something entirely different from: 'God is great, I love God'. And I really love the whole Babylon story so this was very interesting. Keep up the good work and good luck!


  • arafura gold member
    August 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    visionary...!

    Wonderful! Keep the voice ringing poet!
    Good luck in the contest!


  • life goes on
    July 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    To create....... Not to talk of creations, not to criticise them.... Unless you have created something yourself......

    Not to use words without knowing what they mean. Not just knowing what they say, but what they don't say.....


  • life goes on
    July 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like it.

    Howard Roark though.. I am concerned about you getting TOO influenced. I did. I did, I know.

    You should read books by John Fowles if you like such mythical/historical allusions!!!

    I like this poem a lot. Very mature.


  • Tercil gold member
    July 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Self exploratory make on what one feels they aught to do. This is totally symbolic and there's enough in it to lay the foundations in our own climb. Nicely done.


    • Raazi
      July 30, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I'm glad you understood this. Most people thought I was talking about "languages and dialects here". lol
      Sorry for the late reply and thanks for reading.


  • I-Am-Custard
    July 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The minute I saw the word 'God' I immediately thought 'oh dear, another religious one' but I was pleasantly surprised by this, the structure was nicely done and you thought out your subject of choice very well.
    Thank you for entering.


  • AnotherName
    June 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Love the word-play, and the play with words in this poetry. Sometimes I think, even those who speak with the same tongue, accent, cultural understanding of a word or words...there is still so very much that is misconstrued. This question I pose no matter the speech, no matter what is written or spoken.

    Do we ever really listen? Your poem is thought provoking and makes me sit and ponder when done reading. Good luck in your contests.


    April

  • Bob Fox
    June 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    a beautiful prayer

    Shame that man is so destructive. Though not religious{ Raised a Catholic} I do respect faith. sadly some use their God as a tool of hate. I myself read into ancient history & see a different God. the Sunerian God who created us & watched as we failed him. perhaps soon He shall arrive again. Nevertheless this is a brilliant write


  • grannyeri gold member
    May 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thought I had commented on this before but it wws sanctuary I checked out. Quite a new form for you - like the use of space, the indentations and your new picture too, by the way. Interesting dedication to Roark - liked the conclusion of your poem.


  • Silent Cougar Moderators member
    May 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    well, first of all, sit and think a while at what you have just said.
    ' He made lots of dictionaries. Many terminologies.

    Made one person's accent sound stupid to another'

    theres an answer to help building your own Babylon, and it's right in front of you now. Here, were it doesn't matter about dialects, terminologies, etc,,,

    we all can read anyones writes, and understand every word. yes, words have been spread across the lands, but here, we are all together, maybe miles apart, but in front of us all, right now, is our own world.

    Start building my friend, theres no obstructions here.


    • Raazi
      May 30, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Yes, but now instead of dialects and languages to confuse us, we have criticism. Every action that is unconventional faces bickering and slamming. That is the obstruction faced by my tower of Babel. Thanks for reading.


      • Silent Cougar Moderators member
        May 30, 2007

        Edit | Reply
        Use the critisism as a form of discovering the mortar is not right, in a way, there view of unconventionalism is a way to show them a different view point, one they may see from the tower, if they lend a hand to build it.


  • Frodofan silver member
    May 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    So I guess it's about becoming very smart?


    • Raazi
      May 30, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      lol no, not at all...it's about doing the unconventional...and abt the hardships and criticism one faces along the path of unconventionality.


  • Frodofan silver member
    May 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I didn't notice the shape. I was just getting a little lost in the wave of it all.

    I think the idea in this is a little weird. Why would anyone want to create a tower of Babel? I mean, you can't reach Heaven. It's sort of foolish - the whole point of the story and everything.

    But it's interesting at least. But I don't think one of your best. I miss your rhymes a lot honestly.


    • Raazi
      May 30, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      The Babel here is a metaphor for something I want to do. Go through it again. read the last two lines.

1 - 18 of 18