I had a dream not long ago,
yet my eyes were open wide.
I knocked the dust, from a little black book,
that had long laid on its side.
As I began to read,
about this vivid dream.
The information revealed to me,
most nearly made me scream.
For there it was in black and white.
It was no dream at all,
but a vision he'd revealed to me.
This was my wake up call:
There in the evils of the devils lair,
I was led from room to room.
I heard the sounds of soulful cries,
locked in their world of doom.
And then I saw the faces,
some familiar so it seemed.
Their skin was slowly melting,
as their mouths formed into screams.
I could smell the putrid odors,
as hot embers burned their flesh.
My hands held to my nostrils,
as I yearned for air, so fresh.
Into a pit, where I was led,
I tried to struggle free.
The guide held tight, and made me watch
severed tongues hung from a tree.
The tongues, they still were speaking,
a language I'd never heard...
Yet amazingly, with clarity,
I understood their every word.
"Forgive me of my sins Oh Lord,
for what I've done is wrong."
Together they all sang,
as if it were a song.
Tears sprang unto my eyes,
and from my bed I crept.
I got down on my knees,
and there I prayed and wept.
I prayed the Lord to take from me,
these visions in my head...
Yet these words he spoke to me,
and this is what he said:
It was no dream, that which you had.
But a truth, yet not revealed.
Read the word there in my book,
'tis where it all is sealed.
Those tongues there on that tree,
they spoke a day too late.
Yet there be room, for just one more.
Should it be, you choose to wait.
Author notes
This is a bit graphic. Yet it is my vision/dream of what hell will be like.
In a list
A contest entry
- Make me scream by WanderingCyclone.
460 points, ended June 12, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Poem(s) You Have Ever Wrote by NickelleteXninja.
550 points, ended June 15, 2007, 140 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Raven Qualifier - Culture: Religion, Society and Politics by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 84 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Songs of the Soul by FindingFaith.
1000 points, ended June 7, 2007, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tell Me a Prophecy by FallenAngel09.
450 points, ended June 13, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You Are Invited to Attend by Tercil.
500 points, ended August 11, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - BIBLICAL DREAMS AND DREAMERS by Vera Rich.
300 points, ended September 19, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Stories of Salvation by Paradise Prisoner.
875 points, ended December 5, 2007, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me something so spirtual so that the hair on my arms and neck stands up by SueMason.
600 points, ended January 23, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - *~*~* little contest, little points, I'm a little bored *~*~* by Melissa Burns.
300 points, ended April 30, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - To dream these dreams by Lagrimas.
525 points, ended June 12, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 84 of 84
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wow, this was just fantastic! very well penned, with great imagery and so descriptive! you actually made me shiver...
I very much liked the intro, the metaphor with the book and then the way you expressed your emotions when seeing the awful things you described...
''For there it was in black and white.
It was no dream at all,
but a vision he'd revealed to me.
This was my wake up call:
There in the evils of the devils lair,
I was led from room to room.
I heard the sounds of soulful cries,
locked in their world of doom.
And then I saw the faces,
some familiar so it seemed.
Their skin was slowly melting,
as their mouths formed into screams.''
these lines were my favourite ones...I don't know if it's just me but this part reminded me very much of E.A.Poes 'The Raven'...the mysterious touch it has and your way of writing it, somehow it made me feel of the room with velvet all around and the raven knocking on the window...
good job
take care
Suza
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I've been to hell and back and it's worse. You've penned an excellent poem here thoughtful and evocative. I enjoyed the read - happy trails.
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never been and certainly don't want to go, thank you for your comments
Blessings,
Sassy
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I'm not sure what I make of this. I like the ballad fromat (or epic)but I think the poem lacks a sense fo chronology to give it the "journey to Hell" idea because afterall that's what this is. The end is very good
These lines: I prayed the Lord to take from me,
these visions in my head... brought by a book I read "Left to Tell" about the Rwanda holocaust. Sometimes one has to rise above the voices in the head to get the message.
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thank you for your comments, but this wasn't written based on ones journey to hell, but a vision/dream that gave a glimpse of hell, and that is what's portrayed to the reader
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Different thoughts
This is pretty good, I have to admit though that I have a different idea about heaven and hell. I like how this was written the flow was perfect. It was easy to read, easy to understand, and easy to like. Thank you for entering!
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gold, silver and bronze...
it's fitting for such a well rounded work.
I appreciate the reading
We could all do with an understanding like this.
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thank you James
Blessings,
Sassy
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I think you did very well here in describing your thoughts of hell. The imagery was so vivid it sent a chill down my spine and left me wanting to go to church and confess and be saved. I think this was just amazing. I am so glad I read.
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OMG
That is so good. how do you think of these things?! This is a very good poem. I think I will hang this one on my wall.
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thanks BD~most of my writes are based on my personal opinions, experiences. I also enjoy penning in poetry form, about the lives of others, some whom I know, others whom I may have just read about. However, I try to make whatever I write meaningful enough so that others enjoy reading~after all, what's poetry if it only has meaning to you and others can't relate with it?
Blessings,
Sassy
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Oh my this was something!!!!
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thank you
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Oh yes, I'm sure there's room for improvement in the "behaving" department...for all of us...but then, if we behaved all the time, where would the fun be
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Very deep indeed
It sounds like Dante's inferno. This does make the hair on the back of my neck stand up. A great write and a hint that maybe I should start behaving myself.
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Well this was certainly full of imagery and a message which you obviously hold close to your heart... thanks for the entry into my ever so humble little contest, good luck with this in all it's many ventures, and congrats on the silver....
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cool
this poem is great but I think you need to check the rules.thanks for entering! -
Your poetry always amazes me and this one is no exception your ability to convey your vision leaves me in awe and gratitude for the opportunity to read your work may your reward exceed it's worthiness and it is most definitly worthy.
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this is so awesome! i loved eveyr minute of it
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Well congrats on the gold and the bronze trophies. This was a very vivid and intense piece... however ... option two was for you to express why you DON'T believe in these things.
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I changed the option to #1, however, if this is not what you're looking for in your contest, just Dq please
Sassy
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Woe!
Very much worth the read! A very potent writing! You honor God through the heart of your work! You truly are gifted, I was enthralled the whole time I was reading this... I have a computer that can speak it to me, so I got to hear every word... You are definitely not an arrogant soul, no, you are humble, and it comes out when you write! Simply profound!
~ James ~
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powerful and indeed graphic. your imagery is amazing. though i hope that now that you are saved, you can focus on happy things..like heaven! thank you for entering my contest!
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Thanks for the contest and the silver
Sassy
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Riveting
What a powerful vision of the ways of Hell!! Your descriptions are clear and vivid leaving no questiom unanswered. Even though you are speaking of Hell...your rhythim is catchy and pleasant. So ironic!! A wonderful poem!! Warm Regards...vivela
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I sicerly hope that you win.It is graphic but it does happen.I was given a simalar experience as you and it also braught me to the Lord.My vision was to graphic and horrific to put into words but you have done it for me.God Bless.I hope others will read this and are brought to the Lord before it is too late.
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Brillaint, this is a very deep poem and vivid. I do not know what it is a really believe though raised Christian. I know there is something out there greater then I or you. It is just so hard for me to believe. I do not stop my prayers or the fact angels watch my family through the day and keep the demons at bay. My daughter tell me of her grandmother dancing in clouds with wings, and asked me just the other day why her wing were taken from her and that she wants to be a angel again? yeah ok so more then I needed to share. This is amazing. We all need something to believe in. Well done.
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nicely done.
I loved your poem, it was very well written.
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Very amusing. You must be using some pretty strong stuff. You could make a fortune marketing them as pills.
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Oh Yeah Edna,
You could certainly use some of those pills. They're free though, really, it's not a marketing gimic...they're called GOD pills. I'll even tell you where you can find them:
They're in the words,
of that little black book.
Open it some time,
and take a look.
The directions there,
are very clear.
Just open your eyes,
and clean out your ears
God will speak to you,
you will hear
Hear with your heart,
and feel with your soul
Even the one's, that Satan
stole
Oh, my Dear Edna,
it would be a mistake
For you to wait,
until it's too late.
For you know that tree,
I told you about...
There's room for your TONGUE...
But, you'd have no lips to POUT!
Don't Wait Too Late Dear Edna
Sincerly,
and God Bless You,
Sassy
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That really is very sad. That you actually believe in fairy stories, Satan, God, angels, the whole loopy thing. How tragic.
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This is like you have evil waiting its time to become paramount, quite creepy really, not knowing and wondering why! Much feeling within this piece to torture the soul. Good write.
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Again fantastic! I love the effect you have in your writing...its not too "in-your-face". Its very subtle but vivid.
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wow- this is scary- to know that your sins can still lead you into hell even though you seriously have no idea why- I believe that those screams really are coming from sincere people(atleast some). This is another excellent poem that speaks real truths. People don't seem to understand that this kind of poem is a warning, not a threat, unfortunately- and that is sad.
This poem made me think of your other poem. You didn't reveal that these people were in hell until later in the poem. It just at first seemed like they could have been in just a terrible situation, trapped by Satan's snares on earth.
Neither of your poems are directed to people who are trapped in satan's snares at no fault of their own (ie abused children). Have you ever written anything to address this kind of situation? If anyone could do it - you could! And if you do I want to read it! I hope God inspires you.
You have really blessed me with your two poems, and have answered a few questions I have really struggled with.
Thanks again, and keep writing in tune with God's inspiration!
Duana
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This creates a feeling impact with the reader. It a story with in a story. I like how you put it your wake up call. Which come for many but few will hear it. It has a powerful impact on the choices that are made for God or against God. The imagery is sharp and clear it pulls on into your world. I can see what you saw or possible felt at the time. I like the out come of this write. At first it stun me. This is very clear in message to the reader. It took a great deal of courage to write this down for others to see. It a very personal talk with God which does reveal the truth as the bible speaks of it. If any one doubts it they can look it up. This is a remarkable write. You have done very well
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The thought and depth within your pieces is what pleases me as much as the fluency and rhyming. I really enjoyed this from start to finsh and its such a well constructed piece.
cheers.
One Angry Monkey
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Amazing
This was written with such clarity and flowed brilliantly - a well deserved gold. God bless.
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WOW!
What imagery and detail you have described to the reader of this magnificent poem. It really gets a person to thinking about their own salvation and if we are ready to meet the LORD on good terms or not. Your last stanza says it all, that they spoke a day too late, and that there is still room for more if we so choose. Your vision must have been horrifying for you, but if this is what brought you to the LORD, then it was worth it if I may say so, for in the end, we will never witness such horrible things again. God will take care of us, wrapped in His glorious Love for us. Your trophy is well deserved. God Bless, Your friend in Poetry, Mysty Rain
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Thank you so much for your entry into my contest, your talent and hard work are very much appreciated. i loved the combinations in this poem, it went from present to future seamlessly and I enjoyed the general cohesiveness of the poem. Great job and good luck.
Your Host,
Tiphanie
p.s the rhyming was awesome -
this is awesome. i am extremely impressed with how well it flows. that is something i try hard to do in my own poetry and i get annoyed when a poem is jarring and doesn't have any fluidity at all. this was extremely refreshing in that sense, and i havn't even mentioned the content! i love it. great vocab, great ideas, and you express those ideas in original ways. awesome.
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Air of fresh?
"I understood each word" would flow better.
Unto my eyes?
Apart from these mistakes, it's pretty good, and you paint a very vivid picture of hell.
Have a little clap.
Robin.
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Excellent from flow to message. Well done. With your permission, I would like to print this out and read it at my church.
Thank you for shaing.
John
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Thank you, more than you know! I needed to hear your summary of that teaching on procrastination, there is an inside message there for me. May you be blessed always:
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Interesting in A Profound Way...
...this write is much like the teaching I heard this weekend at church. My Pastor had talked of the "Dangerous Practice of Procrastination", using the story in Acts of when Paul declared the gospel to the Governor Felix and his wife Drusilla, as Paul was on trial for the uproar about him in Jerusalem.
Felix had been moved by Paul's speech, yet told him, I will listen to more of this when I have the time. Yet Acts never states that Felix heeded Paul's speech and warning. He apparently procrastinated, probably to his own doom.
Now is the day of salvation, says the Bible. The only time we have is that; nothing else is promised.
Provocative work!
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that was an amazing and intense read, the truth revealed can be a powerful message
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I am speechless...very intense and scary but the fact that you had such revelation in time is simply wonderful..it does indeed send chills but also warms the reader in a sense for there's still time for many
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Wow, that was amazing. Really made me shiver.
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My god this sent chills down my spine. Amazing write!!!
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well done, dreams are prophetic to many people and a source of inspiration as here, knowledge from any source is useful to the wise...wonderful message here...PK
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Wonderful. Great job. I think it takes talent to tell a story and rhyme (well) while doing so, and you have done it well. But hey, check out the third line in the stanza that's third from the bottom--it says "spake." ..."spoke," possibly? Anyway, yeah, it was pretty graphic, but sometimes pictures must be painted. So thanks for sharing. Glad you found your place. Best wishes. Take care.
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yeh this sounds like hell. Love the imagery and the over vibe of this poem, really worth read, excellent work
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This is clearly deeply felt and sincerely written - and a huge challenge, since you are, in effect, competing with Dante.
I am not sure, though, how it fits in with traditional teaching on Hell. As I understand it, damnation consists of one's being so stuck in one's sins that one cannot repent or ask for forgiveness. Regret/resentment of being in Hell - yes - but unwilling to take responsibility for what has got one there (rather like the modern tendency to blame a criminal's actions on his deprived childhood or social conditions - or any excuse one can think up - EXCEPT his own responsibility for his actions!)
Since the "tongues on the tree" (a most potent image this) are expressing repentance and asking for forgiveness, a Roman Catholic would say that you had had a vision of Purgatory.
In any case, as I said, it is a most powerful warning vision.
May I suggest that in due time, perhaps in a month opr two, you might like to return to this poem and work a little more on the rhythm and rhymes. There seem to me a few awkwardnesses that could be smoothed out. "air of fresh", for example, seems a little forced - obviously you needed it for the rhyme but it does not really work very well. And I am not sure that the demotic "I done" really fits here - why not the standard form "I did"? Did you hear them say "I done" in your vision. If so, perhaps it is a kind of symbol, indicating that the sinners had become so accustomed to breaking God's law - and presumably the laws of the community also - that now they could no longer even keep to the rules of grammar. Which is an intriguing idea, but would need to be brought out more, as it is not at all obvious in the poem as it stands.
I apologize if this seems carping - but you have some strong ideas here, and a little more work on the technique of the poem would make their impact even stronger.
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Thank you
for your carping, as you called it. First I say, that I don't know what your beliefs are about hell or otherwise, but according to my teachings, the first thing one would probably do upon their arrival to hell, is ask forgiveness, though it be too late. As for the air of fresh, it was certainly needed for the rhyme too, as this is poetry. It is not forced and is a smooth read to my ear, my apologies to you. The usage of "I done", is my southern speech, again my apologies to you that it doesn't ring good to your ear, however, I believe that one of the tongues on the tree belonged to me. Whatever your religion, I am sure that you know the bible is written with much useage of parables. That is how I interpreted this vision. In reality, I don't know that this wouldn't be a form of punishment in hell, more than likely not. But, as I believe my vision came from God, it really doesn't matter to me what does or doesn't happen in hell, as I have no intentions of going. In this vision of mine, I received a message. The message to me was, repent now, before it is too late, and that the tongue is the root of evil..with that said, I do hope you and yours will be blessed!
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Very...,VERY good. I like this..good luck chum..
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Yet these words he spake to me,
and this is what he said:
i believe spake is suppose to be spoke
This was intense
And it kept my attention oh so well
though I dont like religious poems, due to my own beliefs, this is very good and deserves some recofnition in the preliminary's
thanks for entering and giving such beautiful imagery to me
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Thank you for your comments. Spake is the correct word as is used in old english and often referenced in the Bible.., thanks for your suggestion.
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Amazing what vision can produce. You captured the thought and rythm. Good luck in the contest. A perfect ending to the poem. "Those tongues on that tree, they spoke a day too late. Yet there be room, for just one more. Should it be, you choose to wait." A great closing stanza to open one's eyes. God Bless You
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This is really scary and a terrible
thought to have running through your
mind! I do hope that you are okay
and that hopefully soon, these dreams
of yours will fade away. I love the
imagery and descriptions you gave in
this piece. Great work and thanks for
sharing it!
Jeremy0826 -
wow ~ Intense
This is simply amazing, and scary at the same time for you. Or, at least I'd think I'd have to change my ways. The poem is very deep ~ I thoroughly enjoyed it. Good luck on the contest!
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Excellent Poem
I liked your poem very good work!Keep it up!Good background and colors,Good rhythm and rhyme!Lisa K haslett Raytown missouri! -
Excellent
This was so vivid conjuring up all our nasty visions of hell and ellements of guilt i could guess for all who read .Well down it flowed wonderfully
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Wow. This paints a truly vivid image of what hell may be like. The words flow together very well. Good luck in the contest. Well done and look forward to reading more of your work.
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Thank you, glad you enjoyed the read and the vivid imagery.
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Excellent
The author has great narrative power which I have rarely found on this site. A homely speech ( reminds me of Bunyon ) flowing easily without any hitch.
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Thank You,
for your most gracious comments. Glad you enjoyed the read
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Great
Great piece to say..Like I was there with u..
Can't say much coz it's still in my head, the whole picture....
Pen on -
Wow this poem was amazing. You can truely picture how horrible hell is. And its true we need to come to God before its all to late.
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Wow
This sent chills up my spine. I definitely want my name written in the book of life. I do not want to be on the devil's list. This is very vivid and clearly shows what awaits the wicked if they do not repent.
Thanks for the read
God Bless
Tammy -
indeed it was graphic
but a very clear vison and well written thank you
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Definitely Outstanding!
This is the real deal of the life that the lord choose to bless us with if we live according to the ways he wants us too. Let faith be your guide and every thing will be alright... Thank you for sharing this inspirational poem with me and god bless the hand he choose to write it with...
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Thank You Darryl, glad you drew some inspiration from this, and yes it is the real deal of life! God Bless,
sincerely,
sassy
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maybe breaking that first verse up and having it more in tune to the rest of the verses? its' twas' - its 'twas as twas is it was so an apostrophe before not after
devils' lair - devil's lair
their mouths' formed - no apostrophe needed with mouths
tis' where - 'tis again tis is saying it is so an apostrophe at the beginning rather than the end.
i think spoke would be better used than spake.
a good poem though i was a litle distracted by the apostrophes and that first verse
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i think she was going for the old english wording for spake if that is the case then that was the correct word to use
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i know that, i just thought spoke would be better used.
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You Were Right!
As usual of course. I messed with the form a little more,and broke it down as you suggested. I like it better this way. Thank you much!
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that looks much neater on the eye now yes
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I enjoyed this poem
This poem is great. It digs deeper into ones heart and is added with religion. It converses good and eveil. To me I think of the world today. It is like a hellish prison. But good can come out of it. That Is what I get from this poem. Great work, keep it up because you are an amazing writter.
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Hellish Prison,
sad but true, life is like that at times, but it is usually because we build the prison around ourselves and the only way to break free is through Christ. Thanks so much for your wonderful review and applauds! May God Bless You
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that was so amazingly wonderful. thank YOU 4 writing it!!!! it was perfect. the rhyming and rhythm was perfect the words were perfect and the entire story it told was just PERFECT!!!! keep it UP!!!!
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thank you for your comments, glad you enjoyed reading it...God Bless You,
sincerely,
sassy
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more..
you get two more applause -
wow... brilliant... couldn't imagine coming up with anything like this.... loved it... loved it loved it... can't even begin to say enough... the descriptions just WOW...
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Thank you,
So much for your wonderful review and your applauds. Glad you liked it, and may God forever bless you!
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i would like to thank you for sharing this with me and to wish you the best of luck in this contest you have entered. viyanna rosemarie
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