In a land afar, where men are born warriors
Two General's glowered across barren cliffs
Look upon them and see eyes of raging fires
Loyalty, they know, lies in rifts.
They gather among them each
Men who die in the name of their King
Fealty as deep as the sea does reach
Lift their iron-knuckled fists and sing.
Drums boom louder than man-made thunder
Hatred spawns in an angry torrent song
Their leaders doth raise their swords and sunder
The skies above their blood-lust brother.
To me! they cry and Come!
The Kings in unison hush the world
In earnest heart, revenge must be undone
Did they see it then, the dust that swirled?
Battlecry; man's animal guilty pleasure
Converging they slice and steal
Rain will not wash away this blood-less treasure
Lives extinguished does not seem real.
Wounded and seeing red they meet
Swords dripping something like life
Mirrored eyes stare back, they greet
Silence weighs heavy here, as a drawn knife.
Winds carry the strange scent of Earth
Brother, they say together under a sundered sun
Which of us does God hold more worth?
Neither, replied one, He'd rather we run.
Drawn blades glint with no light
Clash and blood flows black
Dies does one, weep one might
To an empty castle, King ride back.
Author notes
This was fun to write!
A contest entry
- Worthy? by shirk.
500 points, ended June 2, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Although the theme isn't my favorite, you've presented it nicely. I do like a lot of your phrasing and such, but not so sure if I like the word choices/phrasing for the end.
I like alot of your messages as well... Good entry, and thanks for showing it.
<3 -
This was really good, i was impressed right away with your interesting use of grammer and phrasing. I think there are a few areas that need revising... and i'm not completely certain if you'll want to do this or not but "To empty castles, kings ride back" sounds a bit more polished... I mean, i get that one was supposed to die... but still, there'd be another kind appointed right away. Really its up to you, and its fine either way, and other than a few punctuation and spelling issues, this poem was good...
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