A monument of vanish able pieces
Made of ashes to blow away
No solid sides to hold them down
Downgraded by society as useless dirt
They’re bodies slowly turned to gray
Gray reflecting useless and dull
Gray representing the loser underneath
A monument of grayish ash
The easiest of them all to rid of
A blow on the foot, a gust of wind
They’ll fly away and perish in the air
The losers’ that are monuments
To easy to knock down
They’re lives are a raging fire
No ones willing to put out
Author notes
umm written today while I was sitting in school watching people being put down for who they are. So I compared
Losers- that is the genre- standing out and fading away
A contest entry
- here's to the losers II by risewiththesmoke.
300 points, ended June 7, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Random Choice Contest by Tconi.
302 points, ended June 2, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My first year on AP by forever dreaming.
450 points, ended June 17, 2007, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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ride on. i love it
and me being one of those losers i can relate.
out of all the losers i no thom is one of them.
so overall greatest thing i've read all day.
keep it up.
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It's often nota good start when a reader finds a typo on the first line of a poem. However I will look past that in commenting on this piece. I think you could lose some of the grays in the second stanza. It starts to sound a little dull and repetitive, try finding another word and playing around with it perhaps. That aside I see where you are coming from with the poem. I just feel it needs a little more attention to correct a few minor problems. Try using the syn tab when posting a poem which lets you find other words for a word you may like to replace. Overall a good effort though.
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cool
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your a loser
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Well, this was interesting. The analogy was something I've never though of before. You did well with your free-verse (ing) lol. Loved it! Good luck in the contest!
<3 Jenerali -
very nice imagery and analogies. thanks for entering!!
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