Foreboding Evil
Secrets held within these dark walls
Ghostly sounds I hear
The maddening darkness calls
Eyes of gleam glow red in shallow corners
Warm breath seeps from my cold lips
Opaque wisps swirl
In iridescent colors around my body
Skeletal trees, shivering leaves
The last of green til spring
I wait in dreaded apprehension
For the ghostly demon to scream
Unimaginable horror occurred in this old house
Unspeakable acts of torture and dismay
From a possessed lunatics mind
As he laid the family out on display
Upon the bed they lay
Holding a red rose in their hands
Looking like they died in peace
While the murderous madman roamed the land
A feast for a man dressed in a mask
He left us there to marinate in our blood
The man is now hunting other souls
Until he has finished his horrible task
The windows of death
Was a corridor to immortal darkness
When at last...
We took our final breath
Author notes
I chose Option 4 Human Sacrifice and Murder
Written August 3rd, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Dark and Dank Hallways by Pollywog.
306 points, ended December 20, 2005, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 47 of 47
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wow... the first line had me hooked... I loved all of the imagery in it... this is what I was hoping for... a serial killer... this is really good... and keep up the good work!!!
~:Kitten:~ -
ILUVLOONIES
Great poem ..I luv the title ..very scary and wonderful images -
Oh Susan, I'm glad I didn't read this poem before going to bed.
As ussual your poems have a very real imagery, but just for this once I wished you didn't painted all so well
Very good poem, although isn't my favorite category, I enjoyed it!
Kisses and love,
Mari
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Here I am, sitting all alone in this house and I have to go and read this. I'm going to have to light every light in the house now. This is full of macabre images. "Cadaver eyes upon me see...nothing" to quote Alice Cooper.
~Willow~ -
This is very effective Blush , It's always your poems which makes me wonder and think about things hard and honestly...You start my juices flowing and keep me imagining what's going to come next. This feels like a very well written horror piece , Certianly shocking in its draw and I do hope you win. There is a lot of mystery and intrigue here and good luck dear , It's always nice to read and comment on a good friend.
Love to you dear and be well ,
James
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Very scary, well-written poem! Gave me chills..now I'm going to have to read your "Fireplace" poem again!
Good Luck in the contest (although I don't think you need it)!
<3 Maureen
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UGH...now that is not a chick i wanna end up in bed with... l;askjdflksdjf;lakjdl;f ewwwwwy
but very well written hun...very well indeed
cheers
JAG -
Very cool, and the pic was excellent. Great job and thanx for entering. Good luck
Hugs and bites, Lady Raven
Edited on Mar 25, 11:05 because ''. -
wow, you have a lot of talant. that was really wonderful (in a sick and twisted kind of way). it was awesome for the contest. Best of luck.
Peace and Love,
XOXO SammiJo -
Tales from the Crypt has nothing on you! Well-written poem for this category and this contest! Good Luck, Sis!
<3 Maureen
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wonderfully chilling. A great poem here, and a kickass image to go with it. The details were lovely, and the images I got from the words were gothic in it's best form. lovely, just what i asked for...
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ohhhhhhhhhh...
thy has tread within the shadows where....
nightmares dare to walk...
yet the night keeps calling...
and keeps one wandering lost!
I did enjoy!
Keep penning on!
Bill -
brrrrrrrr creepy! @_@ great poem blushfullmoon! I'm frozen w/fear... lol it's not easy writing about scary things.. I think i would have nightmares if i did it myself.. (but tempting to try i must say) well done!
P.S. (ya see hartofsilver up there) heh! What are the odds! (my aol name is hartagold <- too.. (no e) BIZARE!!!! TO SAY THE LEAST (too eerie things in one!) brrrrrr creepy!
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oh my god! i have chills, that was brilliant and fucking scary at parts. I totally love it1
Well, I have to be going, but still hope to read some more of your works, and till then, good bye.
*Barbara*
oh, yes and thanks for the comment. -
Five stars! Terrifyingly Awesome
I absolutely loved this piece. I just watched The Spider the other night and it's as if this piece came from the walls of the asylum alluded to in the movie. It's macabre and deliciously evil. Perhaps you and Irridescent should collaborate more often...especially during October!
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The imagery in this was extremely chilling (as was the picture!). The both of you have an incredible way with words, you make the reader feel exactly what is happening in the poem, and there isn't a whole pile of people who can manage that!!! (Or that I've found, at any rate!)
You two should do more collaborations! And definetly tell me when you've finished them
I would love to read them, if they are even half as good as this one!
(lol, this one almost makes me not want to go to sleep at night... scary psyco people.... *hides in a corner with a baseball bat and all the lights turned on* hehe)
-Heather -
This is creepy...and GOOD!!! You two work very well together. I've never done a collaboration with anyone before but one of these days I'll try it if I can ever talk anyone into joining me.
Well, birdznestand I did a couple of silly addlines way back that was fun....it was mostly she and I so sort of like a collab.
Anyway, I like this one. It's fun to read and eerie
Dee -
Wow this is really different for you. That picture is awesome Blushful. thought it's different for you it's still in your exquisite pen my friend. Sorry I have not been around much but I am still working on sending my writing. The computer guy is hooking up my new computer when I get done. I worked all night last night and I'm still not done.
Red -
creepy
Grisly and very spooky...makes me want to climb into my bed and pull up the covers, to lie shivering in the dark. You are both very talented and conveyed the feelings of the piece to your audience VERY well...nicely done...hugs...Ro -
First off I must say this is not what I am used to reading from you.......lol
Secondly..........WOW! For someone that normally doesn't write this way you did an amazing job with it.So creey and eerie..... I love it! My applauds to you both for such an incredible write.
And the pic is just perfect!
Great Write!
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I read this a couple times over the last few days and never actually knew what to say...I really liked how it was written, it was very creepy and dark, and it turned out awesome
Me liked (even though i'm not exactly a fan of horror poems, but this one was really cool )
kayla* -
Truely chilling and dark, a horror in the energy, a memory which will stay within forever til cleansed by justice. Madness and confusion of lost souls and very ill and poisoned minds lay in the imagery. Great job.
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Love the imagery
Out of all the pieces I've read so far. This one has some imagery that really sticks out in my mind--particularly the corpses laying on their beds with roses in their hands while the lunatic roams free. Has a nice flow most of the time. The ending seems abrupt but this leaves one wondering..Everything seems great until the very end and then I feel kind of ambivalent about the end but perhaps this just adds to the mystery, right?
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This is a great poem, filled with vivid imagery, and the picture really adds to the mood. My only complaint is that .. it seems like an unfinished story .. not even a full chapter, just a paragraph taken out of context .. does that make sense? It's like .. modern art. You see lots of visuals, but you can't figure out what's behind them, really.
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ugh, horrid picture, i'm sit in half darkness here, i wasjust off to bed, now i'll need to light the house up like a christmas tree!
Well done both of you.
Barb
xxx -
Whoa!! Chilling tale here. Wonderful collab..think you should do more of these hehehe. I loved this.
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spooky in a good way
This one sent a shiver up my spine. What a spooky write. I love it. -
This is really great -creepy. I love a poem that's written well enough to give me the chills! Great job guys!
~M~ -
Chills, chills and more chills. Excellent collab you guys have here. The only thing I didn't like was the rhymes. They didn't follow a specific pattern but the poem still flowed well. The imagery is outstanding and you guys work well together. I do look forward to reading more collabs by you both.
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Wow... I love the ominous feel to the whole thing!
I feel like I want to go see the movie now! Start writing the screen play... LOL...
Seriously, I love it! Horror movies are my favorite, and I am a Stephen King fan, soooo.... anyway, great write! -
nice imagry. really gave me a clear picture. i enjoyed. thanx for sharing.
gRemLin
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Awesome collab, you two
A chilling tale with haunting images, perfect for Halloween, I am so ready for fall
I think you two should do some more, maybe a different category next time
Karen
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Creepy, but made me smile all the same, maybe because it's an awesome poem, but maybe because I liked the idea of murder haha. good job mate. .
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Great collaboration! Grisly tale! Pic' is perfect for the poem...makes me think of Halloween and things that go 'bump' in the night!
Maureen
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Wooooo Creepy picture and nice touch the Red Roses in their hands
Unimaginable horror occurred in this old house
Unspeakable acts of torture and dismay
From a possessed lunatics mind
As he laid the family out on display
Wow! ..This really takes you inside of a mad mans mind
Just love dark writes ...and this gave me the spooks!!
What a GREAT job you guys did on this!!
Bet this was a lot fun for you guys to do!!
Wonderful writing Susan! Think Our Miss Moom was on the prowl!!
hehe ..Love You!..Hon*
...Wonderful Collab!! ~Mina ~Mina
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Holding a red rose in their hands
-holding red roses in their hands , i think would sound better..but thas me
A feast for a man dressed in a mask
He left us there to marinate in our blood
The man is now hunting other souls
Until he has finished his horrible task
-and im not sure about this one, it doesn't flow as easily and as nicely as the rest does,
other than that, this is a creepy, holy crap poem! and i hate the picture!! gives me the willies...so i think it fits the poem perfectly Nice job guys
Nyx... -
I am glad you invited me to read this one. In here are very vivid images of death (which is sort of a contradiction); the atmosphere surrounding this wandering, murderous spirit is daunting and accurate. It is scary to think that twisted souls like the one you both excellently describe, actually do exist in the 'real' world. But I guess this is exactly what inspired you to collaborate on this magnificent dark write. Thank you both for creating and sharing. Hope this wasn't a one time joined effort. Take care,
Rage of Reason -
Excellent
Wow, absolutely fantastic. Perhaps you two should work together more often? Extremely dark, spooky, eerie. Yet beautiful all in one. Such vivid images, you can almost see, taste, feel the blood. Great job you two!
~Somber -
Hi Susan,
Thanks for your lovely comments -
What a spooky write - my only suggestion, and I know it will sound silly, would be to put it on a black background...set an even chillier mood...
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Amazing!
Wow, this was amazing for a first collaboration It gave me chills and goosebumps when I read this poem! It was extremely well written The flow was awesome! The imagery was excellent Overall, I give it an A+ in my books! Thanks for sharing
James
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Ok... a blue ribbon to both for suiting a poem up to be utterly spooky. Can we ask me to read these when it's daylight the next time you put your minds together? lol
Nice work here. Liked it- despite the trend in horror images
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This was a definte chill write. And I enjoyed reading it. Good job you two, not bad for your first collab. I look forward to more.
Carrie -
brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....chilling tale...~~~~Val
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Bye the way, it wasnt a collaboration, it didnt mean to click that heh heh
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Wow, this was a great write, it reminds me of the guy over in England who killed women and painted thier portraits. I can't remember his name. Thanks for the comment on my poem by the way.
The images are very vivid.
This line gave me chills
"He left us there to marinate in our blood"
This is by far greater than mine.
~*Blessed Be*~
VwwV
~GEO~ -
WOW indeed...I wasn't aware ya had this in ya Susan I love it!
Ya both did a great work with this..i'm still tryin' to comprehend that Susan had anything to do with it...LOL..i mean..it's dark..and well..you know..LOL
Bravo to your first write together..it's spectacular!
love ya much
~Pamela -
Wow! This is one strange poem!! I like it....and that picture is absolutely awesome!! Suits it very well
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