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FlY

you run.
faster and faster.

your legs burn,

chest hurts.

ankles break,

lungs burst.

and then..
              ...
                        you fly.

Thoughts? First Impressions?

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Comments

  • skaldkraft
    May 30, 2007

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    Good read. The progression from one line, from one thought to another was strong. Your description of the striving, the rapid movement, and the pain of running before you achieve a second wind made me feel these things. Your expression was wonderfully succinct. Keep writing.

    “The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things."
    "The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master--that's all."--Lewis Caroll


  • KissMeGoodnight
    May 30, 2007

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    oh my GOD! i REALLY like this! it is so simple and it flows so well!!!
    amazing idea and everything! this is really cool!!!!
    it just hit me at the end, very well written


  • KainLegin
    May 30, 2007

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    I don't know if I have picked the idea correctly, but if I had then I really like how shortly this has expressed things.


  • erininthesky
    May 30, 2007

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    I really like this, it paints an image in the reader's mind, and I like your use of words, especially your ending line. Great job! ♥ Erin