The wind whispers to me
I hear your soothing voice
Lying serenely by the moonlit sea
Waves crashing with rejoice…
My life has changed for all eternity
Am I only caught in this moment?
In which we spent, a night in the city
Relieved me from all my torment…
Dark oceans beneath us, come from under
I'd give my everything to you
Our hearts pounding in tune with thunder
My last words were, "I Love You."
Dancing in the moonlit field
Oh, so many months ago
My heart and soul I then revealed
Lying among the stars aglow…
That very night, I whispered a prayer
Never to leave your warm embrace
To remain together, forever after
And to escape into outer space…
Dark oceans beneath us, come from under
I'd give my everything to you
Our hearts pounding in tune with thunder
My last words were, "I Love You."
Holding tight, I vow never to leave
Please don't close your gates on me
In love, I now truly believe
You finally have set me free…
As the clouds darken up above
The clock tower dongs one last time
I promise, you will forever have my love
Even in another lifetime…
Dark oceans beneath us, come from under
I'd give my everything to you
Our hearts beating in tune with thunder
My last words were, "I Love You."
This is my final farewell, I solemnly whisper
That I speak unto you
Never have I thought this would occur
For as long as you will have me…
I will forever love you
Fly with me
To the stars above…
A contest entry
- Find Love Again by FallenFrmGrace.
600 points, ended June 1, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Raven Qualifier - Romance: Love, Fantasy and Passion by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended May 11, 117 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Anything.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Really the only change that I would suggest would be to do something about the embrace/space rhyme found round about the middle of the piece. Your words wash over the reader like a pleasant wave (which contrasts well with the repeated oceans reference) and although the words do rhyme it is far to typical to be found in this effort.
I enjoyed reading this and I thank you for your entry.
~Das -
this is a beautiful write. thank you for entering this raven qualifier. i wish you well in this contest. viyanna rosemarie
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:)
Hope and strength of a "forever love" bidding a final farewell
Such beautiful expressions, such nice imagery..... and so very honest in expression of love.. Good luck for the contest!
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Wonderful rhythm and rhyme in these lines, dark and filled with wondrous images. Great title, last line relating back to that
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Dark oceans beneath us, come from under
I'd give my everything to you
Our hearts pounding in tune with thunder
My last words were, "I Love You."
^my favorite lines. This is a beautiful piece, and I like the length of it too, and the title. Great job! ♥ Erin -
Awesome Imagery
Beautiful. The imagery and emotion in this poem are truly breathtaking. I can almost feel the emotions; the love and the sadness at losing that loved one. The picture is wonderful and goes so well with the poem. I especially loved the phrase "My last words were, "I Love You"" being repeated throughout the work. Well done. Good luck in the contest.
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ah! i am in LOVE with your picture! oh its so gorgeous!!!
'My heart and soul I then revealed
Lying among the stars aglow…'
this is all gorgeous! such imagery! amazing! you blew me away, very inspiring!!! <3 love it!
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Awsome
Very nice poem. Beautiful imagry and it fills the mind with a quiet stillness. Its amazing. good job! I like the reppitition of "My last words were, "I Love You."" Good write -
Beautiful
Beautiful imagery... Very touching, romantic, poetic, and sad. =)
It makes me a sad panda!!! But lovely poem ^^
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