Black crows circle around,
The confetti of blood splatter,
Hypnotized by the cruel illusions.
A corpse twisted left and right,
Smiling at me, distorted that way.
Staring down I’m disrespecting its peace.
An eternity shown as mingled death,
In a subconscious mind, that doesn’t exist.
This is the inescapable phase to be,
Left in agony at gravity’s feet.
Salvation is misused in this horrid case,
There’s no time for us to be dastardly.
Death lurks and is haunting us down,
The adrenaline will kill the reaper,
Before we can cleanse of his waste
At least we can eliminate was is true,
And what is just a surrealistic dream.
The complacency many feel is fake.
Eliminated one by one because death can win
An enchanted young beast,
Who is frenzied about the line,
The line between life and death.
This death that the crows continue to crowd,
Is a disease, set by the devil himself.
Author notes
Wow, this was a powerful write, one of my few free verses...only my third and by far the best! thanks for making it only free verse!!!
(\ /)
(O.o)
(>" <---
/_|_\
Lycan lore, wholesome whore, breatheren bred, bloody bed!
dazedXdesires
OPTION 1::_
Death. In some form or another describe death, from the side of those committing to, those unexpected, and such and so forth. NOTHING HAPPY ( like, oh he's in a better place)
A contest entry
- Dark Stuff Group Pay it forward by zochit2me.
700 points, ended June 10, 2007, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Murderous, Gruesome, Sick, Twisted....... by Synthetic-Nightmare.
1600 points, ended June 8, 2007, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - SCARE ME TO DEATH by thelovesongwriter.
410 points, ended June 6, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Insane? or just nervous? by Death4Hire13.
390 points, ended June 7, 2007, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me scream by WanderingCyclone.
460 points, ended June 12, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Best Poems by Lj-.
300 points, ended June 10, 2007, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Life isn't everything, Death isn't nothing 1000+ point contest, LOTS OF OPTIONS!~Still open!!!~ by Soten-Jaganshi.
1100 points, ended September 7, 2007, 62 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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forgot to add applauds
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Very well written free verse. Full of imagery.
I liked this. Good luck to you. -
I liked:
"An eternity shown as mingled death,
In a subconscious mind, that doesn’t exist." -
Very good free Verse. It was well written. Good luck in the contest.
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hmm.
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very blunt....
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I guess I'm a bit not with it today, but this made no sense to me. I reread it like three times.
This part, I especially didn't get, it makes my brain kinda hurt:
At least we can eliminate was is true,
And what is just a surrealistic dream.
It sounded scary though! Also, the rhythm was good. I really like free verse poems, so, yeah. Good luck in my contest!
Also, BUNNY!! Thank you for adding bunny! -
"The confetti of blood splatter."
I love how something so morbid is made into something so fun.
Haha.
There are a few parts in this that sounded like it was going to rhyme, (You know there are just those words that sound like that?) But it didn't.
Just thought I should mention it, (I just noticed it. It isn't bad.)
Yeah, rather morbid. But good job. : -
Very good free verse for one of your first. A few grammical areas but other that that very intense. especially love this line
Staring down I’m disrespecting its peace.
best of luck and thanks for entering
Becky -
wow! this was freaky. but sorry, not scary enough! but this part gave me the chills;
A corpse twisted left and right,
Smiling at me, distorted that way.
beautiful job. good luck! -
FUCKIN RIGHT!
SA-WEET! I LOVED THIS, it's sooo dark and twisted yet.....so very interesting. It brings your mind to the darkest depths of insanity and leaves you in awe! Kudos, good luck in the contest!
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Thank you! I liked it and I havent recieved to much saying what the others opinions were, you know the simple well done type of thing, well your comment gave me a sense of what I was trying to reach being reached...
hope thats not confusing and thank you!
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deep and good work i would say more but im in a bit of a rush err so good luck and my contest and thank you for joining
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your welcome, and i hope that you arent just running away from it
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Definitely very powerful. The topic was amazingly written and the free verse is perfect. I told you, you could do it. Great job!!!! Good luck in the contests!
<3 Jenerali
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Oops, forgot the clappy!
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Excellent lines in here, the final two are great as well as "the adrenaline will kill the reaper" and "salvation is misused in this horrid case". Good luck in contest!
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I agree this is very powerful.great imagrey.
It was like a dark cloud darkened the room.
The only problem with this is that (dastardly) is an adjetive and you used it a verb. other than that it is a wonderful poem.
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thanks but honestly i wasnt to sure how to use dastardly... so i juust tried i wasnt really thinking of whether or not it was a adjective verb noun or object!!!lol
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WOW
You are so right,this is so powerful.Chills ran through me reading it.Well penned and fantastic imagery leading the whole write to the ending.You keep the reader intrigued with your wording.I really enjoyed the read.
Blessings
~Cheryl~
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