You masqueraded
behind a face of innocence.
Hiding your viper-like tongue
that sizzled and spat rage
from within your drug induced
euphoria. Sucking
every ounce of vitality from my
soul. Like a sponge
absorbing my freedom.
Did your conscience hang somewhere
in limbo between power and shame?
It took years of spilling blood
on floorboards and ink on paper.
Years of tenacity and trepidation
before I headed to the bin with
your belongings and
reclaimed my heart.
Author notes
Option 1/2 Something that made me learn / something dark.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
-
Great metaphors. Love the last 4 lines.
-
Way to go girl! Tell those demons of your past to pack their bags and move on....wonderful poem Claire, full of emotion. I like the way you painted the picture from Victim to Victor
Love
Cathy
xxoo
-
Some editing would do wonders here. The punctuation makes this poem seem broken and awkward in places. I think the ending could be stronger as well. For the most part, however, I like it, especially the first stanza.
Elizabeth -
-
It was an awkward time in my life which is probably why it may appear to be broken. Which parts do you think the punctuation needs correcting? I would be interested in your suggestions as you have not highlighted any in your comment. Thank you however for taking the time to read my piece.
-
-
i really liked this poem. the title was awesome and i liked hwo well this flowed. i really liked the descritption here
Hiding your viper-like tongue
that sizzled and spat rage
that made me wanna laugh and flicnh in fear. nice write -
wonderful imagery
I like how you illustrated the rage at
someone, keep writing -
great read. thanks for entering however you did not read the rules and i am disqualifying you. you did not put the option number in your author notes. sorry.
-
-
If you look at my author notes it tells you it was a combination of option 1 / 2 , something that made me learn / something dark
-
-
Well done
it was very intersesting
kind of shoking 'cause thats not what I was expecting form teh title -
I felt death closing in on me with this one!
Great write!
Good luck in the Contest!
-
Very intriguing, almost a hint of utter disdain for the person in this gripping piece, yet triumph in the end. Head held gigh and much determination felt at the end..."Years of tenacity and trepidation..." Strength won out in the end after all that time...Well done
-
wow...this was interesting. thanks for entering and good luck in the contest
-
Power and shame...what a frightening combination.
I love the last, "I headed to the bin with your belongings and reclaimed my heart" Hope this is not true, if it is, I'm sorry that it took years.
Very nice, heart felt write
-
Intersting
This is the second poem I have seen today that I can higly relate to. My favorite mine is "Did your conscience hang somewhere
in limbo between power and shame?" It's beautiful. It's a well written description of something terrible.
-
well tjis poem was indescribe able it was awsome it was proble heart felt and it rocked nice work keep it up you have some real potential you could be the next edgar alen poe or even better if you keep it up you will be awsome some day keep it up and remember poems dont have to rhym to be good take mine for example they dont and alot of people say there good as long as it comes frome the heart you will allways be a good writer as i said keep it up and dont stop writing over and out mark
-
wonderful
Short and powerful. I like how it didn't rhyme but it still flowed seemlessly. I like hwo you stuck a question in the middle of it. I believe many people including myself will be able to relate to this especially since you left it kinda vague (but not lacking any description) and faceless so that a person can place there own face upon the speaker's. Awesome write. I love the use of limbo as well. keep it up.
-
Very, very nice. Such a masterful use of language and exercise of vocabulary. However, I think the line separation in lines 5 and 6, and 7 and 8 makes for a slightly awkward read.
Adding your comment:
1 - 17 of 17
