It's been two months
since I let go of my tether
vaulted into tohu
dove into my own madness to redeem
the shattered vessels of my self.
It's been two months
since my world constricted
violent involution shook my inner baby
birthed the quiet stillness
that threatens the raging maelstrom.
I've married a whore
crowned myself messiah
annulled The Law
challenged the sultan to yield
spouted The Name
in an antinomian orgy of
chutzpah and emptiness.
Lao Tze tells me
the sage probes the depths
welcomes Gehinnom.
His blessing
: "ride your wild stallion"
frightens me.
I hide from him
in my walled garden crying
"water, water"
until I die
a tree blossoms
from my navel
and gives forth fruit.
Author notes
I hyperlinked this poem in my blog to explain some of the references. Not sure how effective it is: http://hechadashyitkadesh.blogspot.com/2007/06/revealing-hidden.html
A contest entry
- Divine Ruminations by Alexander Hine.
324 points, ended June 5, 2007, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think [Reward: double points]
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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It’s amazing how something common and perhaps even mundane to most can suddenly cause an epiphany and change a life. You've captured that very well with some very nice metaphorical moments as well. Excellent job!
♥ Touchof1der -
i understand but yet i dont. i still like it i just dont know what to say.
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Wow, this is very interesting and very beautiful because of the way you wrote it with great detailing along in every line. You have some very strong lines in ehre that really keeps the poem up and pulls the reader into the moment in time that you have written about. These lines are my favroite in the poem:
violent involution shook my inner baby
birthed the quiet stillness
that threatens the raging maelstrom.
Thanks for sharing
. Rewarded 8
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Good read. The progression from one line, from one thought to another, was strong. Your descriptions of your quest for understanding, love, and the depth of your pain made me feel them. Your expression was wonderfully dark.
“The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things."
"The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master--that's all."--Lewis Caroll
Wandering in a forest at night, I have only a faint light to guide me. A stranger appears and says to me, “My friend, you should blow out your candle in order to find your way more clearly.” The stranger was a theologian.--Denis Diderot
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An excellent poem with outstanding conveyance of message through the use of metaphors. Love the last 3 lines. Congratulations on the Gold!
All the best,
Charishma
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I haven't read the explanations from your blog, because I always like to draw my own conclusions as to the meaning behind certain phrases or images. I particularly liked the 2nd-4th stanzas, because it feels you mixed many different "religious" concepts very nicely in one poem, without the piece being a religious piece, if that makes sense. Basically, I'm just really diggin' the metaphor. lol. I tripped a little on "inner baby" and immediately wanted to read "inner child" but that's such a small thing.
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Thanks. I was unsure about inner baby as I wrote it as well because inner child is more typical. At the same time I kinda liked the reference to shaking a baby. It was a tough call to make.
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Wow. This is a pretty cool poem that you have going on here. I like that is has all these neat references but I don't understand all of them. I think that it's a good idea you provided a link for those that want to know more. If I had more time to read, I would check it out. Lestways I wanted to tell you that I liked you poem and you did a good job of expressing yourself.
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Well...
This is a very personal poem that must resonate very deeply with you. I'm not sure that it communicates anything to me. If your intent is to expose my ignorance of references like tohu, Gehinnom, The Name, then you have succeeded.
It's fun to write things like this that challenge the reader with arcane references, but I don't feel it's a way of sharing an experience and letting others see through my eyes, which I believe is my primary goal as a poet. -
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My intent wasn't to expose ignorance. I write for me, not for others, and appreciate most those people who manifest that intent in their own prose and poetry. I find that writing is truest when it speaks in one's own vernacular and colloquialisms instead of appeasing to another person's lack of familiarity. If an angler writes a poem about their experiences deep-sea fishing I'd hope the language is unfamiliar to me.
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i loved the originality of terms and usage you have so cleverly incorporated into a very thought~provocatived piece of great writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!! Overall, this is a freewrite that doesn't lack anything at all and is well structured and given to the reader very potently to serve it's message. I love the alliteration and the displacement type of feel to it as well.
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....I will need to read this again, I may print it. This is very good, I am keen to analyse it. I have a weakness for all things Jewish, so the smattering of Hebrew and Yiddish delighted me. I can relate to the thoughts you have expressed here, I have a constant yearning to plunge the abyss...and, yet, I find myself like a child - terrified - when i face it. I feel you have expressed something profound here, though I admit I am not exactly sure what...there is a haunting beauty and sadness to the last lines. And I felt a trembling when I read
His blessing
: "ride your wild stallion"
frightens me.
Fine work, friend...
I would love to discuss this piece with you
K. F.
. Rewarded 8
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"I find myself like a child - terrified - when i face it." Yirat Hashem. I think important to ever safely get off the ground. R. Akiva had it. I think it took the second visit to his cave for R. Shimon to get the idea. He had chesed for G!d and gevurah for anything that didn't appear to be in constant devekut with Him. Methinks he applied ayin m'yesh a bit too literally. lol. A Muslim I know in SL wrote about that particular struggle in his blog. Unfortunately it looks like he's taken it down but some of his own words were preserved in a quote I gave of him in my blog: http://hechadashyitkadesh.blogspot.com/2007/05/yearning-for-allah-yearning-for-hashem.html
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Thank you for your comments. I've intentionally left out any explanation to allow it to speak to each reader individually. It actually is built around a very specific experience with a designed openness to assigning spiritual awakenings and experience in general but without context provided I am unsure the personal reference could be ferreted out. If you plan on analysing it further I will not give it away and instead only share some keys. Applied as a specific reference "The Law" doesn't refer to halachah but it does refer to a particular system. The references to Shabtai were made not only because they fit what I was writing about but also to point to something modern scholars have at times diagnosed him with. If you look at some of my other poetry here the specific reference may become more apparent. It has all been a very spiritual experience that warranted the language of myth and mysticism. I would love to speak in more depth about this but I think maintaining the riddle for you until you've had a chance to puzzle it over a bit may be more fun. -
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Well, I had to look up most of those terms (except Yirat Hashem). Thanks for the interesting reply. I have read a little about R. Akiva but I will have to look into R. Shimon. If you ever feel like discussing Judaism, I am considering beginning conversion next year - so it would be most welcome. I teach myself what I can, but there is such a wealth of Jewish Theology, philosophy and the like that it is hard to really explore it without abandoning my other studies. I will have a look at your blog.
Shalom Aleichem,
K. F. -
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"If you ever feel like discussing Judaism, I am considering beginning conversion next year - so it would be most welcome." Sure. Feel free to drop me a line anytime. Must warn you though I'm a bit of a free-thinking radical. It wasn't accidental that Sri Aurobindo, Buddhism, Hinduism and Taoism made their way into that poem.
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Wow. This is a really interesting poem that you have there. I like all the way that you were speaking through metaphors and keeping all the metaphors related. It really helped paint color for me as I was reading your poem and I thought that it made it fun to read. I think that you have done a good job of expressing yourself here.
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very creative writing,very intense feelings,you have done a really good job on this piece of art!keep on writing!
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a very critical poetry. nice work here
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