Serrated patterns imbued
in a brazenly colored hue
which, faded and dulled,
blurred its luminescence through.
The image is unfurled.
Now I can see a girl.
Cool eyes looking at me,
looking at her, blowing kisses to the world.
But what is she doing in space?
Looking down on the human race?
Neptune can't hold her icy glare
as the moon crescents her face.
She needs to come back down to Earth,
to experience a natural birth.
Her heart has been wounded, longly forgotten
and Nature discredits her worth.
I see clouds of blue in her hair,
and an outstretched tree that stands bare
in a soft blowing wind, traversing its limbs
as the sun abandons her stare.
Author notes
My sister helped inspire me for this write. She triggered my creativity. She is my Muse.
Picture inspired -- see contest homepage for the photo.
A contest entry
- Colorful Image Contest by FaintWhispers.
450 points, ended May 30, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Very evocative imagery...the wind traversing in the upcoming moonlight at the end put it over the top.
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this is a good write, but I'm not sure about the symbolism. It is great to have someone in your family to spark your creativity. Good Job
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I liked the very first stanza. I think it is the best in the poem. Your imagery and diction is rather well developed. I think you're on the right path to becomming a great poet, friend!
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Very niice
I know poems dont have to rhyme but so many people try to write without rhyming and their terrible the best poems have well thought out rhymes in them imo and youve done this well! -
Great write
This poem flows very good and the images portrayed are inspiring. You have inked a wonderful poem. I especially like this stanza:
I see clouds of blue in her hair,
and an outstretched tree that stands bare
in a soft blowing wind, traversing its limbs
as the sun abandons her stare.
I think that the last line is the zinger and the emotional highpoint of the poem. outstanding.
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I think that you did a really nice job at portraying the photo for the contest. You brought it to life with the literal images presented as well as the emotional images which told a powerful story behind everything that is noted in there. A dynamic and busy picture to work from, and you were able to bring light to pretty much every section of it. A lot to capture within a short write, but you did so effectively. I don't think I could work from a picture that had so much going on within it...not unless I made my poem extremely 'long-winded'.
"She needs to come back down to Earth,
to experience a natural birth.
Her heart has been wounded, longly forgotten
and Nature discredits her worth."
Those most definitely would have to be my favorite lines because it's where we learn about the emotional side of the image...we get a reason with those lines as to why things are thee way they are in the image. It goes beyond what we can see right in front of us.
I like the stanza before that one because of the questioning. I've always been drawn to questioning within a poem as it makes me think more about the piece I'm reading...draws me in and makes it more personal. It also makes it easier for the reader to draw some conclusions for themselves on parts of the poem.
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Great job! 2 points just cuz I used 3 already....sorry.
I'm happy you like poetry so much, It gives you a good way to use all the big words in the world..and you do It well mite I add.
Oh F,Y,I
I gave the other 3 points to me for being a Awesome Muse
can't wait to give you a hug,
my love,
whom looks like a bug,
Oh I will hug you so tight, cus you are so light,
I will lift you in to the air, like a chilled sending a prayer,
no doubt people will look at us weird,
And no doubt I will stare back and laugh at there beard,
For you are my brother, and I am your friend,
.....I'm Sorry I missed your birthday it will come around again!!
xD
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This is wow... very beautiful... very very beautiful my friend... I love it! Great job my friend! Rock on! xoxo Meg
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