I remember how
he pulled me close
promising me,
with him
I would never feel alone,
yet intimacy fades,
feelings fray.
Now,
less than four feet between us,
we exist on completely different plains
He wallows in
manic misery-
I… disappear into my words
writing about times
we were woven so tight-
When things start to unravel
it hurts…
But,this love we wove once
is merely tattered
not torn…
Still keeping us warm
when we reach for comfort
in the chilly moments that loom
before dawn.
Author notes
Okay, I guess it's not finished, but this is what I have been working on in my absence. I will have my new internet tomorrow, so I hope to be back among my friends here at AP real soon.
Written August 3rd, 2003
A contest entry
- Alone.....Prewrites allowed by LoveNeverDies.
370 points, ended May 17, 2007, 93 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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great write it was really awesome thanks for entering my contest
have a great da -
this was a good poem and i can relate to this in a different way..your words were very strong, emotional and powerful as well..keep writting your very talented and good luck in the contest
~Chrissy~ -
well done Danna. beautiful images
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Again, keep on going with your writing, girl, you're killing me with your talent. Thanks for the comment on all of my poetry that you read, it means a lot to me. Philosophical mind comes from being a hardcore history student, we have to think that way
haha
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ooh, I really like this , sometimes me and my BF go through like phases where we seem so far apart but we always come back to how we were before. This poem is nicely done
-Carina- -
Groovy
i can seem to count on you for poems that make me feel good about my marriage. You seem to know just how I'm feeling and word it in such a way that it doesn't seem that bad or untolerable. Thanks
Kali -
This was so beautiful.......I believe this is one of the first poems of yours I have read. I will surely read more, and from the looks of all of your first place wins, all of your work must be extraordinary.
Thanks for commenting on Innocence Lost. I have been here in India for almost a year, and although I know abortions are perfomed in America also, its not by selective gender. In a country that is so overpopulated, you would think that more babies would be available for adoption. But now no one wants the little girls, and the ones that are not aborted, are often left roaming the streets, some as young as two, as I see this on a daily basis.
I will never understand it. Adoption, not Abortion is the answer -
I think the pc. stands really well, tough sub
This is also a beautiful poem. However, this one contains the reality of love going distant if both do not work to keep the fire burning. See it happen all the time! We ourselves almost fell victim to the dead end road of neglecting our relationship for business, meetings, whatever. Always assuming we could bring up the list as last priority. A touch of sadness here. Reminder of pain, I do not want to experience again. Hope is within that all is not lost, yet??? Cling to that pc. of your relationship. Beautiful job and painful but real subject matter. You are not alone, many find this road in life. God Bless YOU and take care, until I can come here again!
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Danna
Amazing , and a very powerful write
Alive with very strong emotions, and gorgeous images
A touch of sadness, but shining brightly with sweet hope
Karen
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What wonderful hope emerges with your words! Cling to that love, Danna - it is precious. There are no substitutes for homecoming.
Beautiful journey you are on nowadays.
Hugs.
Myra -
Still keeping us warm
on cold nights
when we reach for each other.
the imagery of a blanket as love..even fading love... is brillant!!! keep up the good work! -
Oh I like this one ....
That's the trouble with patchwork, it's full of little seams that have a habit of coming undone, just have to get out the needle and thread and work on them occasionally to keep everything together. When they're in good repair they are far far more beautiful and interesting than the plainer, more durable beadspreads.
Maybe it's time for a little sewing?
Kyla -
the patchwork of love is varied and threadbare in places and thick and warm in others..we must cover each other with the best part of what's offered and spend our nights snug in each others familiar patterns ...Artis
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Excellent
Beautiful piece of writing. This was most enjoyable both to read and to think about. I will have to browse more of your works.
Best lines:
I… disappear into my words
writing about times
we were woven so tight
and
Yet, this love we wove
is merely tattered
not torn
Wonderful.
John
-
Still capable//
of keeping us warm//
when we reach for each other//
on cold nights//...yep you said it...great! -
These could have been my words a few years ago , and yes it was only frayed , but at that time the silence was deafening....even at four ft apart. It all worked out <---------I do hope these few words will help encourage you
Reenie
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Danna...
Such a strong piece in emotion, but not sappy or way out there with the "wooeeee is me" sort of feel to it. That's not an easy thing to achieve- nicely done.
Structure and flow were also tailored perfectly.
Nice (well, sad... but nice and still optimistic at the same time)
-
Sighs Danna
You captured the TRUE essence of relationships in this poem~~ feelings get frayed don't they?? Especially after time, children, problems, etc~~ yes they do
But you remind us that just because the love is frayed it doesn't mean it is gone~~ just in need of some repair
I really love these sad images though Danna~~ ah you weave them so well don't you??
I am so glad to see you back in action girl
Sad and wnderful this was in its realism
~~Dawn
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Dear Danna
Thank you for being brave enough to bare your soul here....to put into words what so many women tend to feel when we pour our heart and souls into a man...no I guess any realtionship. Women often give so completely of themselves hoping for someone to feel the same... the feeling of sorrow and defeat that often follows can be so intense.
There is no slight meant here to the guys - however I can only speak from a female perspective :-)
Thanks again Danna for sharing your heart
PH -
There is such forceful lament in these words, yet also hope. Perhaps changes at the hand of time will bring you in another space that still needs adjustment of the mind. New, different situations require our minds to be agile, imaginative but with respect to the other always respect that allows changes to take place in the other's mind we perhaps not fully understand but that we can learn to cope with nevertheless. It's life, Donna, but if one is aware of this, it is probably you. Thanks for creating and sharing this heartfelt and perceptive poem. I enjoyed reading. Take care,
Rage of Reason
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