Engulfed,
In drenches of dreams and hopes and wishes.
She’s a car crash, wreckage,
Of miles upon miles of sweet sin[cerity].
Solitude builds up the fortitude of the mind.
Prudence, justice, temperance,
Virtues of the souls.
It’s only a matter of
Time,
Time,
Sweet Time that changes,
Before the dissemination gives way.
Her lips drenched in whispers
And melodies in C Minor Harmonic lies.
She let’s them slip from her tongue,
With her eyes that have shards to kill.
They say the eyes are the window to a person’s soul.
They hold the secrets,
Their strength,
Their weakness.
And those pearly whites,
Stained in coffee drips
From days upon days of caffeine intake
Because she couldn’t fall asleep during the night,
Otherwise her nightmares would catch up-
Finally.
Because she only lives in day dreams,
The kind that consume her every thought
In floods of sparkles and militant scars.
And she’s a cliché in every form,
She’s the meaning,
The life,
And the breathing.
She rides the cliché.
She’s the woman in every drastic scene.
She’s the femme fatale of modern society.
Saturated in lust and dripping with failing expectations.
Author notes
Written For a contest based on the Idea of "Saturation."
"Mulder for president"
<3 x--butterflykisses.
A contest entry
- saturated by unraveled.
525 points, ended May 31, 2007, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Congestion of Options- Ignite the Muse by FunnelWaxFate.
1000 points, ended June 22, 2007, 76 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Abstract. Be different. by Trent plus pen.
650 points, ended July 3, 2007, 38 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dirty Pretty / Immense Imagery by LaurenLightning--x.
600 points, ended October 20, 2007, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 50 of 50
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Four Contests
Four trophies. I suppose "Not bad." would be considered an understatement! Not bad at all!
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Haha, thank you very much.
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Her lips drenched in whispers
And melodies in C Minor Harmonic lies.
Love it :]
Pictures flew through the screen on my laptop.
Thank you so much for entering and good luck!! xx -
love the break in "sin[cerity]". very nice. my favorite part is the bit about daydreams towards the end. very clever, very well done. the rest of the poem is chock full of interesting metaphors and descriptions, which really livens up the poem for me. the last two lines bookend this rather depressing poem very nicely. overall great job. a bleak, exposing, unforgiving look at part of what is wrong with society.
thanks for enterin -
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Thanks for the comment, I appreciate it. :]
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Wow girl! You're absolutely amazing... i think you understand so much for your age. I mean, I wouldn't have been able to appreciate this like about a week ago... seriously~ and now you reminded me that I must live somewhere in between the sweet sin(cerity) & beautifully sung lies... after all, isn't that where the reality of life lies? Pun unintended... honest
lol~
Very insightful & creative <3
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Awe, thank you so much for your lovely comment. <3
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Excellent
Well deserving of each trophy... -
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Thank you very much <3
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Great write
I simply loved reading this piece of art!!! You are very gifted for one so young!!! The parts that I really enjoyed most were "Solitude builds up the fortitude of the mind. Prudence, justice, temperance, Virtues of the souls." and "She’s the femme fatale of modern society.
Saturated in lust and dripping with failing expectations." This is a strongly emotion filled work of art!!! Exceptional writing!!!!!!
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Thank you very much for your appreciated comment <3
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gosh honey..im amazing.
i feel like jesus just told me that i could heal the blind.
it reminds me of a cleansing car wreck...
--shot--
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Awe, thank you very much. :] <3
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wow
this is a very good poem , you blew my mind away , I pictured everything perfectly , great poem and keep writing poems , you reallly good at them
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Thanks <3
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Congrats on your gold trophy! Great piece!
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Thank you very much. :] <3
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"She’s the femme fatale of modern society.
Saturated in lust and dripping with failing expectations."
Wow- this has a great message to it.
Wonderful job hun!
<33
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Awe, thank you darling. <3
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The imagery and content are very well done. You have made good use of your word images. I truly like the ending it gave it a nice wrap up. Which it leaves an impact on the reader. Very well thought out work. I really like it. I feel you have done a wonderful expressing yourself
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Thank you very much ror your comment.
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very good write.
good luck in my contest!
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Excellent write, very good imagery and congrats on the trophies, i really liked this
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Thanks very much <3
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nice...clever...great use of imgary and play on words..thanks for entering.
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wow this is AMAzING!
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thanks. :] <3
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wow
thats awesome.
simply awesome.
You better find a way to add this to my contest.
I usually write this big long comment on things to improve on etc, but I really cant find much to critisize.
Thanks for actually writting something meaningful, talented and against the norm on AP for a change.
Kudos to you.
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Thanks. :] <3
Appreciated.
I suppose you should read the sequal as well? Haha.
[Femme Dramatique.]
Anyhow,
I'll be adding this tomorrow when I can get on my other computer.
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This write is very cleverly and expertly written. The flavorful, rich, and skillful language in this is masterful. This poem is absolutely phenomenal, it expresses a very powerful, straining, observant outlook on how society views the femme fatale, as something horrid, disgraceful, wretched- how it forces one to hide one’s true self, to make their honest self secret for fear of the shame and the shunning society will bestow. At the point of these lines, “It’s only a matter of
Time,
Time,
Sweet Time that changes,
Before the dissemination gives way.” I felt it was saying that time alters things, ultimately the secret is revealed, for one can only hold up a façade for so long, before the truth eventually comes out, which is so true. Really, this poem has me thinking and pondering all over the place, trying to extract all the rich meaning, cleverly and expertly entwined throughout this fantastic, symbolic and metaphoric piece. It is so vivid, such a sad, longing, pining, depressed tone to it, a very mournful, yet powerful write. I especially loved these lines, “Her lips drenched in whispers
And melodies in C Minor Harmonic lies.
She let’s them slip from her tongue,
With her eyes that have shards to kill.”
Well done!!!! -
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Thank you!
Your comments are very encouraging. :]
I wrote a sequal to this peice yesterday,
Called "Femme Dramatique."
You should check that out as well.
Once again, you're amazing.
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Some of the lnies in this piece are really well crafted. I liked the 1st 2 lines as they seemed to flow really well but then it kinda losses it in the next 2. However you managed to grab my attention after that again with some very well thought out imagery. I really liked the last line also. Overall a good effort.
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Thanks. <3
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I think of Xenia from "Goldeneye."
Unfortunately I have to remove the poem from the contest because it exceeds the line limit, which is 30.
I definitely encourage you to enter a shorter poem!
Elizabeth -
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Bah, I missed that rule.
Haha. Thanks.
I'll see if I have any that short...
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very well done you can see the effort put forht in this poem
and the flow is great
thanks for entering
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Thanks for the comment! :]
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This poem is really good,
I really like the flow of it!! -
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Thanks. :]
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well good luck in that contest, you failed to put the number or the word i wanted you to, although this was a good write. try fixing that and you can re-enter if you like.
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Some clichés just cannot be escaped....sucks to betrapped in one as tired as solitude.
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Haha, thanks for the comment. :]
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Breathtaking
I see so much of myself in this poem, but I think we all can relate to this at some point. Very intriguing the way you have worded it. It definitely catches the eye. This is a beautifully penned tribute to the femme fatale in all women. Good luck in the contest. I loved this write.
becca
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Thanks so much! :]
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Aren't we all in some aspect. Your poem is very moving. It was an interesting read~ Good luck in the contest!
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Thanks. :]
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WOW!!!! you have done an awesome job on this and i think you will do great in the contest. i love your picture. now i can put a face with the name. thank you for sharing this with me. viyanna rosemarie
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Thanks. :] That means a lot! <3
& thanks for the compliment on the picture. :]
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I really liked this, it was a very original and captivating write. The title grabbed my attention and the actual idea behind it interests me a lot. I think everyone kind of feels like this at one time. "she's a cliche in every form" is a beautiful line and very powerful, too. Good write, this had some really good imagery and you used some awesome descriptions, plus it kept my attention throughout.
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first thing that grabbed me- the sweet sin[cerity] line. i must say, that was pretty clever.
i like her day dreams; "the kind that consume her every thought in floods of sparkles and militant scars"
and the end, fabulous.
-cassidy
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