Looking in the mirror,
At my brightly painted face.
I know its just a job,
To pay rent for this old place.
I'm preparing myself for,
Another night of work.
Walking down the stroll,
To be picked up by some jerk.
I don't know who I am now,
Inside I'm so ashamed.
Why do I sell my body,
Do I think its just a game?
I wanted to be a model,
But life is so unfair,
Here I am a prostitute,
with my wavy bleach blond hair.
The guys smile and whistle at me,
But don't hear a sound.
My heart beats on ear drums,
And I fall to the ground.
I beg the God I once knew,
To wipe away my tears.
I only want a better life,
I'm sick of living in this fear.
As I feel a gentle touch,
On my shaking arm.
I look up though my tears,
eyes reflecting my alarm.
There stands a stranger,
With worry in his eyes.
Dressed in a handsome suit,
He inquires why I cry?
I tell him is my bad night,
And stand up to walk away.
But he hands me a paper,
"I heard you sincerely pray"
And as I unfold the letter,
A signed blank check falls out.
Use this to change you life,
You can write any amount.
I turn to thank the stranger,
Joy written on my face.
The stranger was gone,
The bearer of grace.
Author notes
option 2
- For people who like poems which rhyme group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Open To Anything At All by Poetic Rage.
450 points, ended June 2, 2007, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Three Option Contest by wingsofgold25.
1125 points, ended June 7, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Entrapment by babi.
800 points, ended June 11, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - l0ST, AL0NE, SCARED. by s p i r i t song.
300 points, ended May 30, 2007, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My first year on AP by forever dreaming.
450 points, ended June 17, 2007, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
-
This is quite amazing. I enjoyed. A lot of people think of girls who do that nasty and gross, but only if they could see it through the girls eyes. And that is what you have done.<3 Amazing write.
-
Wow, this really touched my soul.
-
Beautiful story here. Full of emotion and it has a nice happy ending. Great rhyme and rhythm to this piece. Nice job and congrats on the silver trophy.
-
Such a beautiful story you tell in this poem.
A story of despare and grace.
Very good rhyming and nice flow
Congrats on the Silver I think it deserved Gold!!!
-
Omg! this really touched me I never thought I would read something that can ryme so well and yet with so much creativity. This is very well written. Beautiful words, you really know how to paint a picture for your readers. excellent work
-
sometimes money can help and sometimes it cant but ur ability to rhyme and so well amazes me...
-
I thought this was great! It nearly made me cry but it had a happy ending. The rhymes are flawless! A great poem! Thanks for sharing and best wishes!
Frogz~
-
Did this really happen? People can totally suck, but the class and sensitivity can be so incredibly touching. Great write. Thanks for sharing. Best wishes. Take care.
-
Sincere, heartfelt
This is a nicely crafted story. Your rhymes are clear. This is a successful poem.
There is something I would encourage you to consider in future when you write on a serious topic such as this. The meter of the poem has an impact on the overall tone of the piece. You've written in iambic trimeter (x / x / x / , ta-dum ta-dum ta-dum), with some minor variations. The meter is sort of sing-song and happy. It doesn't match the mood of the poem as well as it might.
One way to avoid the sing-song is to purposely break the meter and make the lines read as natural sentences (even if you write in rhyme).
Another way would be to write in iambic pentameter (ta-dum ta-dum ta-dum ta-dum ta-dum). The long line and ten syllables make the line sound more natural, more serious, and the odd number of feet (5 ta-dums) avoids any kind of sing-song rhyme chime.
You've told a compelling story with nicely controlled rhymes, so you have the important components already. Experimenting with different meters might help you express yourself in an even more effective way.
-
What a well crafted story. I didnt know whether to cry or smile. Although the rhyme could do with a little tweak here and there it does not detract from the overall strength of the poem. Well done for penning something so powerful. Emotional yet hopeful. I loved it.
-
wow that was really good and full of never ending imagery i liked it and wished it would never end and it made me wonder what happened next but then it left me hanging because it allowed people to imagine.
-
awesome write...angels are all around us...
-
wow.............. you've made me speechless
-
Wow
This was quite the option to go with. I don't know how to thoroughly divide myself amongst these lines and verses and posture of calling oneself to god. if i was to believe in such, i do find this in harmony from the worst to best and the hopeless become the hopeful. Wonderful write. Keep on. -
Wow. I really loved this. I actually got chills from reading it. Such a great portrayal of a sad life and how the kind act of a stranger can forever change that. Good Luck in the contests and cangrats on the one you already won.
-
Very deep and heartfelt. Great feelings and imagery. I felt everything here.
-
This is very sad, but you have written it allowing all emotions to run free and your words are so very descriptive. I think you did an excellent job here and found it very enjoyable to read although it was sad. Well done.
Shaz xx
-
what a fantastic story, there is light at the end of the tunnel afterall, the person in this poem, sincerely deserves a chance to turn her life around and is given it. Very moving. I liked the way you built up the picture of hate and desparation, and then confusion, sending out a plea for help and that plea being answered. If only all that deserve this chance get it, the world would certainly be better and happier place. If only there were a barer of grace for us all. Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest babi xxx
-
You tell a good story here. One of grace and second chances.
We all need lots of both.
-
WOW WOW WOW! THis is AWESOME! I love it! You did a really good job with this. I think this is one of the best poems I have read in a while. Its touching and I couldnt help but cry. You did a great job bringing out the emotional effect behind your words, the flow was grand and your choice of words added everything that was needed to make this a spectacular piece!
-
Awesome write!
-
what a beautifully written poem... it really spoke to me...
Adding your comment:
1 - 22 of 22
